By Rep Porter (Reporting In) – Email
Print Edition: May 6, 2015
With the popularity of Bill C-51 declining faster than society on a slippery slope, the Conservative Party of Canada and the Canadian Surveillance Intelligence Service (CSIS) decided to explain why they were so adamantly and uncompromisingly pursuing the bill’s passage — even when revisions would likely entail more support — at a press conference last week.
“You want to know why we pursued this bill? Fine, we’ll spoil the fun,” said CSIS spokesman Hugh Tilly-Tarianism in a recent press conference, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
“We were going to make a television show called The Best of Canada.
“We didn’t want to tell anyone because we wanted it to be a surprise for our fellow Canadians,” Tilly-Tarianism continued.
Before the press conference revealed the true reason for its proposal, Bill C-51 had been touted by the Conservatives as a comprehensive response to terrorist threats in Canada. When concerns arose about how the proposed Anti-terrorism Act could compromise Canadians’ constitutional rights and give CSIS more resources and authority to conduct investigations on citizens, the popularity of the bill started to decline.
“And now, with the support for this bill dwindling, [the show] might not happen,” said Tilly-Tarianism. “Thanks a lot, Canada.”
In a later interview that day, conservative spokesperson Scott Protter discussed the vision for Bill C-51 and The Best of Canada.
“Think those Canadian Heritage Minutes with America’s Funniest Home Videos,” he said. “It would show all the funny little things Canadians do, caught on CSIS’s cameras, put together with patriotic moments, like our victory at Vimy Ridge or something.”
The press conference took place at the same time the federal government adopted the motto “Putting the party back into politics.”
Protter also talked about his inspirations when he was brainstorming ideas about the show with his fellow cabinet ministers. His hero is Pierre Trudeau, who read the Wow Pleasures Act in 1970 during the October Crisis.
Trudeau’s reading of the Act had spurned similar human rights criticisms that the Canadian government faces today. When asked by a reporter just what measures he would go to bring the party to Canadians, Trudeau famously responded, “Just watch me.”
It’s that vision, (Defense) claims, that guides the philosophy behind Bill C-51: that CSIS and the government should be given unquestionable authority, so they can do “really cool things” with it.
When asked whether this new development means a name change in the proposed Anti-terrorism Act, Tilly-Tarianism and Protter remained adamant and uncompromising.
“The opposite of terrorism is fun,” they said in unison. “This Anti-terrorism Act will deliver on that.”
