From the same producers as Love is Blind and Married at First Sight,The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On brings a new dating experiment to Netflix viewers. Released on April 6, the show features Nick and Vanessa Lachey, who not only host the show but also share their own insights on marriage and relationship ultimatums throughout each episode.
If you’re in a healthy relationship, The Ultimatum will make you thank God for your partner, and if you’re single, it’ll make you thank God you don’t have to deal with a partner. Like most televised dating shows, the entire premise of the series is completely obscure and will make you question the integrity and intentions of each couple from the get-go. But that isn’t to say it isn’t entertaining, because trust me, it is. Between all of the awkward drama, cringey moments, and toxic representations of “love,” I binged all ten episodes in less than 72 hours and don’t regret it one bit.
To give a quick rundown, the show features six couples who volunteer themselves to participate in the experiment with the intention of finding out if they are ready for marriage. One person in each relationship wants to get married but their partner does not, and so they’re given the ultimatum of either separating or putting a ring on it. How do they make this life-altering decision, you may ask? Each couple breaks up and agrees to date another person in the experiment. The new couples live together in a “trial marriage” for three weeks before returning to their original partners to “compare.” And yes, it’s as messed up as it sounds. Hearts get broken and egos get burned all while others are enlightened to how toxic their original relationship really was.
While the show does a good job at representing a diverse range of races, it fails to include a broader range of identities — be it sexual orientation or social class. Like many other trending series, The Ultimatum features a good-looking group of cis-gendered, straight couples with seemingly privileged lifestyles. And if I’m being honest, this lack of diversity made the show feel quite repetitive.
Many of the cast members express that their motivation for marriage is a financial one and that the financial stability of their partner is what can “make or break” their relationship. Others, at the ripe old age of 21, feel the social pressures of settling down, having children, and starting a family. Many of them have built lives in the entertainment and social media industry and therefore idealize the aesthetic of marriage (i.e. a big-ass diamond ring), rather than the reality of committing a life to someone. And sure, to some people, all of these things can be valid concerns in a relationship, but it felt strange coming from such a young group of people with very little life experience. In a way, the show reinforces these social pressures to get married and get your shit together in your early 20s by ridiculing those who just weren’t ready for marriage.
At times, however, the show does some good by touching on fertility issues and normalizing how emotionally taxing it can be on oneself and one’s partner. It also expresses the importance of having open conversations about your “deal-breakers” early on in the relationship and reminds viewers that each of us has a different set of priorities in relationships, and without open communication, you are left fighting solo for your own non-negotiables.
Above all, the show asks the question: if you have to give your partner an ultimatum between marriage or breaking up, should you really get married? If you have to beg (and some of the cast members literally beg) a partner to spend the rest of their life with you, maybe you should take a step back and ask yourself why?
Although I’m not married, I sure as heck know that if that time comes, I want that decision to be a mutual one between my partner and I. Committing yourself to someone — in marriage or not — shouldn’t be a compromise, and despite this show being incredibly cringy at times, it is a testament to how toxic one-sided, superficial relationships can be. Some people just aren’t meant to be together forever, and you shouldn’t have to force someone to love you until you’re old and grey. You’re worth way more than that.
Sydney is a BA English major, creative writing student, who has been a content contributor for The Cascade and is now the Opinion editor. In 7th grade, she won $100 in a writing contest but hasn’t made an earning from writing since. In the meantime, she is hoping that her half-written novels will write themselves, be published, and help pay the bills.
