UFV cuts waitlists, waits for praise

In lieu of a recent survey conducted by the Department for University Happiness (DUH), UFV has done away with its waitlists.

Disappointed that my speech was not delivered at convocation

"I am miffed. I am miffed because nobody read my speech at convocation this year. That’s right, I wrote a speech. But neither Mark Evered, the guest speakers, the student speakers, the goshdarned alumni, nor those honorary degree-getters followed up on their promises."

When vintage gives vantage to inner thoughts

Activist movements and political organizations are abuzz with recent advances spearheaded by a student initiative right here at the University of the Fraser Valley,...

Are affirmative assholes reverse racist?

Promises were made, promises that said only “the best people” would make up his administration. Yet for once a broken Trump promise might actually...

Satire: A look back on 2014’s 14-year plan

Caution: the following article’s use of English is in the class of “beyond practical application.” Those who have been in high school for the last 14 years may find this entry a little difficult to read.

Snapshot: Being Jaded

Do you people know how hard it is to be informed and still be cheerful? It’s goddamn hard. I’ve got a part-time job selling...

Games on the green counterproductive

"Here’s my take on how to actually have fun: include people. Don’t scare them away with particular rules. Don’t shove games that only make sense to their inventors in people’s faces. Don’t make it clear that you’re not having fun because you don’t understand the game, either. Play a less pretentious game! Welcome people without challenging them from the get-go! Get to know your fellow humans!"

Halloween is cancelled due to election results

Halloween has been cancelled this year in an unprecedented act of grumpiness from Conservative Minister of Holidays, Mel Perdador.

Cup Noodles and the true, devastating price of convenience

"Cup Noodles are a beautiful thing. We can add some hot water to this thing in a styrofoam cup and have half a meal ready in five minutes. That kind of food technology was once thought to be reserved solely for astronauts orbiting the earth, with very little space or access to water. Now we can walk into a 7-Eleven and pick up 12 of those bad boys for like, $10."

Carly Rae Jepsen and the Trump phenomenon

With stunning foresight, Carly Rae predicted a number of political events of the past six months, but like many true artists she is more interested in understanding the mechanisms behind such movements.