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Dear Robin

Dear Robin: achy breaky back & cheap cheats

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Life is tough and confusing and weird. We all need help sometimes, and when you need an expert opinion, you turn to an expert opinion-giver like Robin Halper. Whatever problem you’re facing in life, Robin will have a solution. The Cascade cannot guarantee the effectiveness of Robin’s unique approach to life, but if you’re in a jam, get some advice by writing to halp@ufvcascade.ca

Achy breaky back

Dear Robin,

The chairs in UFV classrooms are way too hard, and after a three-hour class my back is always killing me. How can I make my time in the classroom a bit more comfortable?

Thanks,

Aching in Abbotsford

Hello,

You’ve made a great point. I find the chairs at UFV not only to be hard, but hostile. It’s like the chairs themselves don’t want us sitting in them. To make class more comfortable I highly recommend getting the ever sought-after Kardashian Ass Implants. They’re not only on sale at the moment (go to the guy behind Building T in the yellow T-shirt at 4:30 p.m. on weekdays for the coupon), but will look great with any stretchy pants you have. Plus the body adjustment will keep you comfy as hell during those three-hour lectures.

Robin


Cheap cheats

Dear Robin,

Do you have any tips for traveling on the cheap? My buddies and I are tripping down to Cali this summer and don’t wanna break the bank. Especially not on shit like toothpaste and clean underwear.

Thanks in advance,

Bargaining in buses

Hey hey,

Traveling on a tight budget is good for the mind, body, and soul. It cleanses you from worldly possessions that we put too much value on, like denim shorts and avocados, and helps focus the mind on what truly matters in your life: drunk on your butt experiences you won’t remember the next day. Firstly, if anyone in your crew will be operating a motor vehicle please keep the booze and other substances on the back burner. Doing so will not only keep you safe while on the road, but save you money. Secondly, make sure you don’t compromise nutrition for deals. Gas stations are always stacked with oven-baked potato chips and jerky made from once alive real cows, which are both holistic options for snacking. Lastly, make sure to use nature instead of toilet paper.

Robin

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