By Christopher DeMarcus (The Cascade) – Email
Print Edition: January 22, 2014
I watch people. I’m like Sherlock without his ADHD medication. I can’t help but pick up on the bad habits of students, then ruthlessly judge them.
I’m not sure if it’s right to judge, but for the sake of etiquette — and my sanity — I have to. There is a basic set of manners we should review before the next time we have to share the same space together.
First rule: others first
The umbrella rule of etiquette is forgetting yourself and considering the comfort of others. A magical thing happens when you put others first: other people enjoy you being part of the group. Being considerate is the key to getting what everybody wants: respect.
A good place to watch etiquette crimes of this nature is the library. You can hear students gabbing into their cellphones, stuffing their faces with pizza pockets, or cranking their beats to 11 with the sweet, sweet sounds of a new Nickelback mash-up.
Please, follow the rules. Be quiet. Be considerate of others.
Second rule: be firm, not mean
Who is to save us from the constantly loud library marauders? The stern librarian. Not mean, but stern. The librarian is an enforcer, the perfect example of a manners maestro. We should aspire to be librarians, who rule their sacred stacks with a velvet grip. You’re doing a everyone a favour by politely asking the loud ones to shut up, instead of telling them Nickelback sucks.
Third rule: have lively arguments, not meaningless quarrels
Most etiquette guides will tell you not to talk about religion or politics. But besides food and the weather, what else is there to talk about? Economics and philosophy, of course! Critical viewpoints should be actively debated at university. This may be the only time and place for you to do so.
An old and tired phrase is to “try and see the other side.” Forget that. You can’t see the other side. That’s why you called them a “monstrous asshole.” Instead, review the other side. Make sure you know the specifics of what they’re saying, and repeat it back to them — nicely, not like a parrot.
Ask questions to try to understand where their idea came from and how it works. Unpack the argument gently. Don’t use dynamite. Socratic questioning should be used for learning, not for poking your classmates in the eyes.
Fourth rule: put Wikipedia back in your pants
We’ve all done it. We pull it out under the table and start tapping away. Hoping no one is looking. Just before we get caught it loads onto the screen: Wikipedia’s answer to your anthropology professor’s probing questions.
Seriously, put it away. If you didn’t do the readings, admit it. Wikipedia won’t score you any points, but it will let everyone know you’re a narcissist that needs attention. No one wants to hook up with a narcissist.
Fifth rule: you can never be over-dressed
University is supposed to be a crazy, out-of-this-world, uniquely dynamic, and bizarre place. But there is another principle that ties us all together: professionalism. At least, a basic sliver of professionalism.
If you want to wear your pyjamas to school, do it right. That other day a young lady was walking through the halls in a Batman onesie complete with bat-mask hood. That’s doing pyjamas right.
The point is, don’t be a lazy slob. Don’t dip yourself in bong water before coming to class. And for fuck’s sake, can’t getting high wait until 4:20 p.m.?
For students and professors, it’s not often that etiquette and academics are grouped together — most of us assume that we remembered how to flush a toilet and wash our hands from grade three. Please wash your hands — it doesn’t take long to wash off the H1N1. Respect yourself by respecting others. And remember, someone might be watching you.
