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From self-love to playing doubles: The what and how of a female orgasm

Sex should be satisfying for both or all parties involved. I don’t want to stereotype here, but many a man has given his all (or however many minutes of jackhammering) and still had a frustrated partner who is secretly wishing she had watched Glee instead.

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By Xtina (Contributor) – Email

Print Edition: January 8, 2014

Sex should be satisfying for both or all parties involved. I don’t want to stereotype here, but many a man has given his all (or however many minutes of jackhammering) and still had a frustrated partner who is secretly wishing she had watched Glee instead.

But one thing this stereotype ignores is that the female orgasm isn’t all the man’s responsibility. A great sexual relationship is a journey filled with random props and silly experiments. A lot has to do with the comfort level of both partners. In a new relationship especially, reaching orgasm can be difficult because of the lack of trust and knowledge of each other’s bodies.

I am consistently horrified when I learn that women into their 20s still don’t know how to please themselves. Lately this has been coming up in conversation almost weekly. I mean, how can a girl expect her partner to ring her bell if she hasn’t even jammed with her own equipment before?

So, since I feel well educated on the goings-on down under, I’m going to give the would-be lovers and frustrated gals out there a proverbial hand. I’m going to share my secrets with you, for both those having a solo session and those playing doubles.

Let’s start with the breasts — yes, we like to be stimulated everywhere. Generally this is not a honking or a groping, although I’m sure there are some girls out there who really dig that. Breasts are sensitive and need to be treated as such. Start by cupping them and lightly brushing your thumbs across the nipples. Pressure can be increased if your lady prompts you with noises of approval or in the case of self-loving, whatever is working for you.

Next, an important fact: the clitoris is very sensitive. This amazing little bud has 8000 sensory nerve endings! To put this in perspective, the penis only has 4000, and is generally much larger. That’s some concentrated pleasure potential.

The clit is truly an amazing organ and deserves the respect of a knowledgeable suitor, especially if that is its owner. When handling the clit, start out slowly and gently. As with breasts, pressure can be added gradually according to yea or nay noises (or yea or nay feelings for those going solo). The clitoral orgasm is most common but can be accompanied or replaced by the elusive G-spot orgasm.

The G-spot is located in different places inside the vastly different vaginas of the world. Most men’s health magazines will tell you to “slip a couple fingers in, palm up and make a come-hither motion.” While this is somewhat accurate and will work for some cookie-cutter vaginas (or fakers), all women are different. Every woman will likely have a different set-up.

Generally, the G-spot can be found about two to four inches inside on the anterior wall of the vagina. Some say it feels like a walnut, others say a sponge. Whatever you decide to label it, just keep exploring it. When massaged with medium to firm pressure women can climax, and even ejaculate or “squirt,” which is not urine as some may think, but fluid secreted by a gland similar to that of the male prostate. This happens to about six per cent of women, according to studies done by Stanislav Kratochvil in 1994. However, I suspect that number is higher.

Having a G-spot orgasm is amazing and doesn’t even necessarily require a partner. Anyone who hasn’t experienced it should plan a nice evening with herself and get acquainted with the walnut-sponge. Once you know what and how you like it, you can share this mind-blowing experience with your partner (or keep it all to yourself).

So there you have it, female orgasm in a nutshell. Enjoy and have fun exploring.

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