I haven’t graduated yet, but I’ve majored in almost every subject. I’ve been at UFV for decades. I am Lucas Warmington, and I think my opinion is one of the most informed on this campus. See, I think I know why UFV seems to be a “commuter campus,” a place where nobody wants to stay despite there being so many clubs and associations. Obviously, there are too many clubs and associations, and they’re all too specialized.
Science students don’t want to read no stinky poems. English students wouldn’t know a gamma ray if it turned them into the Hulk. They simply are not going to attend each other’s events. With this in mind, I propose that we create a broader club, a better club: an all-inclusive Miscellaneous Students Association!
Think about it: anyone can join the MSA! It would be a common ground for all diszciplines, a melting pot of ideas and friendship, a utopian dream association for the ages! If one particular group doesn’t want to show up to an event, it won’t be a bust like certain other events planned by certain other associations, because there will be at least a million other groups showing up! And the mixing of minds would be beautiful! Finally, carpenters and philosophers will have a reason to talk to each other again. And who knows? Maybe this will lead to the next Jesus Christ.
Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself. Allow me to explain exactly what an MSA would be like. Taking inspiration from the events of certain other clubs, every week we would have a quiz night fundraiser. Since the club will be unspecialized, so will the questions; they will pertain to topics such as work, the weather, and any good movies you’ve seen lately. Think about it — think about it!
Join me, students! Together we can make an association that actually matters, one that includes everybody. It will be as large as the university itself! And I bet you, dimes to friggin’ doughnuts, that people will finally stick around this beautiful place, where I am always alone and have no one to talk to except my professors, whom I secretly think don’t really want me hanging around their offices all the time. But that’s a different article, for a different day. Today, it’s the MSA, all the way.
See? I’m so fucking excited that I’m rhyming! Please hang out with me! Anybody!