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The secretive Sasq’ets: the other walking carpet

This week The Cascade got its first ever interview with the elusive Sasq’ets, famous for his enigmatic silence during public appearances.

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By Paul Esau (The Cascade) – Email

Print Edition: November 30, 2011

This week The Cascade got its first ever interview with the elusive Sasq’ets, famous for his enigmatic silence during public appearances. Sasq’ets didn’t give a reason for finally agreeing to speak to the media, but frankly, we were just happy to get the opportunity. It’s not everyday that one gets to interview non-human sentient life, especially life with the charisma of this popular UFV mascot.

First of all, is “Sasq’ets” a name or a species?

It is a name, and my species is sasquatch.

So where does that come from? What is a sasquatch?

It comes from an Inuit tribe, a first nations tribe… they named me Sasq’ets.

And if you had to describe what you are from the animal kingdom, what is a sasquatch?

A lion… I’m the king. The King of the Jungle? Oh yeah!

How hard is it to take care of that pelt of yours? Do you condition? Do you shampoo? Do you trim it?

Oh, I do all of [those]. Every weekend… it’s pretty much what I do on the weekend.

What happens if you don’t?

It gets sticky, smelly… cloggy.

Like one massive dreadlock?

Oh yeah.

What exactly is your position here at UFV?

From my understanding, I’m supposed to improve school spirit, and team spirit as well, and entertain the audience.

How long have you been working here?

A year and half now.

How has it been to be the sasquatch on campus?

It’s been actually very entertaining! I’m taking general studies right now. By “entertaining” I mean that communicating with humans is entertaining. You people are intelligent, I’m surprised! (Chuckles)

So what are the big cultural barriers between humans and sasquatches?

Probably the hair. People [want to] touch my hair, I was uneasy with that at first, but I got used to it.

What’s been your most successful moment on the job in terms of motivating the student body?

I was at a soccer game over at Bateman park, and these ball girls started chasing me and I think I had like 20 girls chasing me across the field. That was probably my most successful moment.

So was that a deeply traumatic moment for you [as you don’t like to be touched]?

Oh, it was.

So just between us, what are your two favourite players on the UFV sports teams? A man and a woman.

My favourite men’s basketball player would be Jasper [Moedt]… He bashes me on the head a couple of times before he goes into the game.

And on the women’s side of things?

On the women’s soccer team, Danika Snook. Good player, great smile.

What’s your relationship with the Heat Hawk, the mascot the Abbotsford Heat have?

We’re just good friends, from the jungle.

So there’s not interspecies rivalry?

No, well we fight sometimes, but I always win.

So you’re pretty confident you can take down the Hawk?

Oh yes, he has wings, I have hands.

That’s true, you have opposable thumbs.

Actually I only have four fingers.

What does Sasq’ets do in his time off?

Well like I said I trim and shampoo my fur. Other than that I hang out with my family… my dad, my mom… they don’t really like to have contact with humans.

Well people in this province have been searching for Sasquatches for 100 years, and you’re the first one they’ve ever seen. So what provoked your decision to come out of hiding and become a fairly public figure?

I thought it was probably time for Sasquatches and humans to socialize in a way and stop running away from each other. I was going to become that bridge, but it seems as though my parents aren’t willing to do that.

Are there other Sasquatch families around in BC?

I’d hope so.

But you don’t know?

No. I’ve never seen any other ones.

It must be a very lonely existence for you.

Yeah, our population is quite low right now.

So there’s no cute, girl Sasquatches running around?

I haven’t seen any, tell me if you do.

I will… So your purpose here is to be a bridge between humanity and Sasquatch-kind? What’s your plan moving forward on that project?

I hope other Sasquatches start coming out of the forests and socializing with humans.

So what’s the biggest threat facing the Sasquatch nation?

I hear from my parents that our population is really low, so I’d say the birth rate.

For a lot of species the birth rate drops because of environmental conditions, pollution, and human encroachment upon territory. Is that also true with the Sasquatches?

Oh yes, big time. The human population has been growing steadily. So they’ve been pushing and pushing the forests, cutting down trees and such.

So you’re essentially a Sasquatch advocate then?

I’d say so, yes.

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