Life is tough and confusing and weird. We all need help sometimes, and when you need an expert opinion, you turn to an expert opinion-giver like Robin Halper. Whatever problem you’re facing in life, Robin will have a solution. ***The Cascade cannot guarantee the effectiveness of Robin’s unique approach to life, but if you’re in a jam, get some advice by writing to halp@ufvcascade.ca
No time, no friends
Dear Robin,
I’ve gotta take 18 credits this semester in order to graduate on time (I slacked off big time in my first year) so I’ve decided I don’t wanna waste my time having friends or acquaintances in my classes and around campus. Any recommendations on how to repel people?
Sincerely,
Favouriting Friendlessness
Hey,
It’s good that you’re getting your priorities straight. The best way to ensure that people never feel the need to say “Good morning!” or “Hey, how’s it going?” to you ever again is by wearing some massive ass headphones. Don’t skimp by using those tiny AirPods, get the chunkers. This way people will immediately see those thumpers around your ears when you walk into class and forget why they ever enjoying engaging in small talk with you. And obviously, avoid eye contact at all times. Peace and blessings as you embark on this exciting journey.
-Robin
Baby bummer
Dear Robin,
My bestie and her boyfriend just announced that they’re pregnant. My initial reaction was like oh no, but they’re all yay and confetti emojis. Since we’re only 19 I thought they’d be on my vibe trail. Guess not. Now all she instagrams about is expensive baby strollers and gender-neutral nursery wallpapers. She only hangs out with me in her apartment in the morning and won’t even go to Townhall with me on Friday night. Like, I get that she shouldn’t drink but, like, have some fun in your life and get a virgin cocktail, ya know? And ALL she talks about is baby things. It’s definitely driving a wedge between us. What should I do?
Sincerely,
#nobabe4me
Hello,
Thanks for reaching out! I’ve been in your situation once before. My gal pal (let’s call her Bridget) had a whoopsie baby several years ago. Yeah, she couldn’t stop talking about baby things but hey, for lots of people having a baby (even if it’s totally unplanned) is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that many others in this world may not have the chance to experience. So I decided to embrace it. Bridget was excited and since I love her I decided that I was going to be excited too. Eventually the baby came and Bridget got busy and we drifted away, but that’s life. We didn’t have some heart-wrenching breakup over an innocent baby; we just drifted on different paths. I still see her and her daughter, who is now three years old, and we still laugh, but things are different and that’s okay.
So the moral of the story is don’t be mean to a pregnant woman.
-Robin
