“It must be nice to not have to work,” is a sentiment I’ve been hearing all too often recently. You’d think I would get used to hearing it, but I don’t. It grinds my gears more and more each time, so much so that I have to write about it, or else I may explode.
In 2018, I started my journey at UFV. My aspirations were high, and they felt realistic at the time. I would finish my degree in five years, as I knew I had to factor in the fact that I was (and am) mentally ill, so the prescribed four years wouldn’t work for me. After that, perhaps I would pursue a bachelor of education, or maybe even a master of fine arts in creative writing. The possibilities seemed almost endless. I knew there were many jobs I couldn’t do because I’ve struggled with chronic pain and mental illness since I was a kid. Aside from that, the world was my oyster.
Now it’s 2024, and my graduation request for a general studies diploma was recently approved. I won’t be finishing my degree — at least not any time soon. My six years at UFV have been nothing short of excellent; my nearly two years here as a copy editor at The Cascade have been even better. However, it is time for me to say goodbye.
So what happened? It turns out that chronic pain and mental illness have been a bigger factor in my life than I anticipated them to be six years ago, and they’re also more intertwined than I ever could’ve predicted. While accessibility services here at UFV have been incredibly helpful in providing accommodations, I have now reached a point where it is nearly impossible to physically pursue my education any further.
My chronic pain has a name now, but only because I took my healthcare into my own hands. Growing up I was sent for x-ray after x-ray, and there wasn’t a solid explanation for the pain and other symptoms I was experiencing. Until last year, when I requested an MRI of my entire spine. Finally, I was diagnosed with several conditions that explain my symptoms. These symptoms are vast, and while some can be managed, others are out of anyone’s control. Getting these diagnoses has helped me understand myself better. My symptoms will get worse. I know that now. I also know that the best treatment for me is symptom management, and the best way for me to manage my symptoms is to… not do much at all. At least that’s how I think most people look at it.
What symptom management looks like for me is to focus on activities that bring me joy, because these types of activities release endorphins, which lessen pain and stress. It also looks like prioritizing relaxation and comfort above all else, and avoiding things that cause me extra pain, or stress (as the two often go hand in hand). It looks like not putting pressure on myself to finish my education or to continue working, because even though those things bring me joy, and even though I’d love to do those things, it’s ultimately too hard on my body. No matter how much I try to adapt, my pain and other symptoms still disable me.
I love my job here at The Cascade, and I am endlessly grateful for it. Prior to starting my role here, I found it extremely difficult to hold down a job due to my pain and mental illness; but here I found a home and somewhere I could thrive. If I could, I would continue doing a job just like this one for the rest of my life. I would love to be able to listen to people talk about their jobs and be able to relate to them instead of feeling jealous of them. I would love to continue to earn my own money and feel fulfillment through work, but my reality is that I cannot. I will keep writing, for as long as I possibly can, but my days of working on a set schedule are over. It isn’t a choice, it’s what my body and brain require of me.
If you’d like to follow along on my journey, feel free to follow me on Instagram @aasha.khoyratty. There I post bits of my personal life, while providing updates on my writing. By following, you’ll be among the first to know when I have a new article or poem, or when I eventually publish my novel. While you’re on the app, follow @Cascade_fy so that you’ll stay up to date with all the goings on of The Cascade, including new articles, job openings, and special events such as giveaways — yup, that’s right, if you give us a follow you might be lucky enough to win something… maybe even a The Cascade branded T-shirt (I’ve always wanted one of those).
Aasha is a BA student, working her way slowly and steadily towards graduating with a major in English concentrating in creative writing and a minor in philosophy. When she’s not busy with her studies, she’s hanging out with her dog, Hendrix, and spending as much time outdoors as possible.
