For the past six months, my partner and I have been talking about introducing a pet to our little family. It’s a big step, but this past weekend, we committed ourselves to 70 years (yes, 70 years) with our new companion: Guillermo the tortoise.
At just two inches long, this sleepy little dude has a promising future ahead of him. A future filled with as many dandelions, foraged flowers, and lettuce varieties as his little heart desires. Although I’ll admit that there is nothing more adorable than seeing this shelled cutie stretch his tiny, scrawny arms after an afternoon nap, or wiggle his bum in his evening bath, my biggest disappointment in the few days since we’ve adopted him has been learning that this breed — Hermann’s Tortoises — in all their mightiness, cannot digest fruit. Despite the trending ASMR TikToks of tortoises munching delightfully on berries, it’s actually incredibly harmful to them. So, gone are my dreams of hand-feeding Guillermo freshly picked strawberries or plump raspberries on a hot summer day — his tummy prefers boring ol’ greens. Nevertheless, despite this fatal fruitless flaw, Guillermo is nothing short of perfect. Welcome to the fam, little dude.
Sydney is a BA English major, creative writing student, who has been a content contributor for The Cascade and is now the Opinion editor. In 7th grade, she won $100 in a writing contest but hasn’t made an earning from writing since. In the meantime, she is hoping that her half-written novels will write themselves, be published, and help pay the bills.
