When I see people bring their babies to hip breweries, I think, maybe I could be cool like that. I’ll get some tattoos, wear sick hats, and carry a swaddling baby in my arms while I socialize with a posse of like-minded people. It could work. I would be giving life to something other than myself while raising it to be a selfless world changer; therefore, I’d be making the world a better place. But then the baby starts crying. The crying turns to wailing. The wailing turns into bloody-murder screaming. Then I decide no to the baby idea.
It’s a cycle that starts every time I go somewhere in public and see young parents with their (at the time) well-controlled baby.
Many of my past classmates from high school got married young (I’m no one to judge; I did the same) but are now popping out babies. Maybe this has something to do with the religious high school we attended. I digress. But when I see the Instagram photos of their ethically sourced baby clothes and top-of-the-line strollers and oh-so-cheerful birth announcements, I can’t help but wonder if that is what I will want too.
I know for sure that it’s definitely not something I want now or anytime soon, but maybe later in life.
Several months ago my partner and I left a family gathering somewhat earlier than everyone else. My uncle made a comment as we were leaving about how my partner and I needed to go early in order to work on producing grandchildren for my parents. There’s not much to do in the moment when you’re halfway out the door but to turn your head and act like he didn’t say anything at all.
Many relatives were my age or younger when they were giving birth, and have not held back on reminding me of that. Recently my mother told me that she does not need grandchildren anytime soon. Phew. But as you can see, children are an eventual assumption for someone who is married in my family.
As I enjoy my final semesters of university and consider taking my academic life further, how could a baby fit in there or even in a career that already takes up plenty of time? Hell, how could a baby fit into someone’s budget?
But then I think about my parents and my in-laws. What if they never receive grandchildren? I have siblings, but I don’t want to assume what their life choices may be. Would my parents feel a gaping hole in their hearts that only a grandchild or two could fill? While I am married, I don’t want to cause my parents any sadness by not giving them grandchildren; I feel that I almost carry a responsibility to them.
Of course I don’t have to decide anything now, but the more I think about the struggles of parenthood and the more the babies cry at the breweries, I think that maybe my partner and I will be fine without children and not give in to the pressures of family.
Illustration: Kayt Hine
