By Paul Esau (The Cascade) – Email
Print Edition: September 4, 2013
There’s a saying we have in sports: when the going gets tough, you’ve got to man up and grab the bull by his chutzpah, because in war, just like lovin’, you can’t make hay without breaking a few eggs.
Actually that’s not what we say, but the point is that we could say it. The point is sporty types understand that, when delivered by Denzel Washington to a sweaty Virginian locker-room, almost anything becomes inspirational. We’re not picky, and that makes for some beautiful and creative prose, which will (hopefully) make for some entertaining reading.
There are a couple rules to this section that should be explained for those of you who like rules. Actually, since rules are the only thing standing between the NFL and, say, nuclear escalation, I’ll admit I like rules as well. The list is as follows:
1. Thou shalt not Luongo (with thy neighbour’s wife)
There will be no professional sports coverage in this section, at least in the conventional sense. For those of you who are dying to know how a certain beleaguered Canucks goaltender’s gut is feeling these days … you can find all the information, speculation, opinionation, and slander you desire from a thousand other sources. My writers aren’t going to learn much writing about a team they can’t get access to, or a player they’ve never interviewed. They’re here to practice journalism, and journalism is about standing outside the locker rooms at the Envision Athletic Center until coach Adam Friesen emerges to explain how Jasper Moedt can score twenty points in a quarter and make his check cry like a small child.
As a university newspaper, our priority is university sports, period. Unless we have Luongo on the line, practically spilling his guts into our ear (not a great mental image), we don’t write it. The only exceptions to this rule are professionals in sports that do not already receive saturating coverage in our community (juggling, quidditch), and the Abbotsford Heat, since they are a) a middling crossbow shot from our office and b) provide press passes and interview access to our reporters.
2. We aim to deliver
Our purpose is to inform you, the reader, about the Cascades, since you (the student) might have missed the game due to poor life choices that have left you single and/or without kidneys. This means we need interviews, we need photos (to prove the game happened), we need stats, sports clichés, captions, and we need obscure jokes. You should be able to chart the paths of each Cascades team simply by reading The Cascade newspaper, and you should have to do it with a smirk on your face and a twinkle in your eye. That is the product we aim to deliver.
3. Open try-outs all year long
Most people come to me with dreams of writing about the Seahawks, the Canucks, or the NCAA. When I tell these people about the first rule they get disgusted with my prudish religiousity, yet I don’t relent. “Go to a couple games,” I say, “Meet some players, study the roster, learn to care.” The CIS may not be the NCAA, it may not draw billion dollar viewing rights or fund teak-paneled workout rooms (I’m looking at you, Oregon!), but it’s still an elite level of competition. If you love sports, you can learn to love the CIS, and if you love the CIS, then you can write about it.
Because that’s the opportunity we can offer you at The Cascade. You want to be a reporter, or specifically a sports reporter? Great. We can give you opportunities to learn, interview, and interact in ways you would never get with your occasional forum posts or blog. We can also provide the space to pitch your own ideas and make us better, since we’re students as well and we don’t claim to have a monopoly on what constitutes journalism in the twenty-first century.
Send me an email or give me a call and I promise I will follow up. This is your chance to write about something besides hegemonic biochemistry or the literary quirks of deceased Russians. This is your chance (for those of you who understand how important this is) to get published.
4. Do peanuts make your arm hair bushier?
The above is one of those neurosis-inducing ‘facts’ that clog up the pages of supermarket magazines and health digests everywhere. Is it true? Is it science? Do peanuts have any other exotic qualities? I have to admit, I don’t know.
The fact is this section includes sports and health, and that means that we need people who know the truth about peanuts to debunk harmful myths and champion healthy lifestyles. If you think a libero is an advocate of small government, or can’t differentiate between a wicket and wiccan, yet are able to pontificate on yogurt for hours, we could use your wisdom. I’m not contractually allowed to let the health side die … so don’t let me.
Welcome to Sports & Health 2013-2014. Remember to keep your bat on the ice, and never bunt in the fourth quarter.
