Even as a new student, the most common criticism I’ve heard about UFV is that it lacks community, that it’s hard to meet people. While there are lots of great clubs and events, it’s hard not to see their point walking around campus on a day-to-day basis. There are clusters of friends here and there, but for the most part, everyone is moving from one place to another without stopping to speak to each other. If you’re not an outgoing extrovert who can introduce yourself to anyone with the slightest provocation, it’s tough to meet friends. And if you’re hoping to find love in university? That’s going to be even harder.
For me, the answer was online dating. While I met my girlfriend before starting university, I was in a perhaps more isolating position, working from home. As a shy and anxious person, even putting myself out there was difficult, but it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. And for a likely busy, broke student without time to attend a lot of events and make face-to-face connections, it could be the answer for you too.
It may seem like everyone is already looking online, but a 2015 Pew Research Center poll showed that only 27 per cent of people aged 18 to 24 used such sites. A significant number, but even if you exclude people already in relationships, likely not a majority.
A cursory search on OkCupid for users within 10 km of Abbotsford turned up hundreds of users on that service alone. Considering the absurd number of dating sites and apps out there to cater to any specific category or subcategory you identify as, there’s no shortage of people in the area to meet.
So how do you do it? How do you stand out from the crowd and actually prove that you’re a groovy person who’s fun to be with? Obviously it’s no secret that a good picture is crucial. At first I made the mistake of using one that was a couple years old and where I was wearing sunglasses. Even though I thought it looked current, I got the “You don’t look like your picture” comment once. Even if you’re not confident, don’t try to obscure yourself — a date will see what you look like in person if it gets that far, so if they’re going to be shallow and decide your appearance is a deal breaker, you might as well weed them out right off the bat.
The second piece of advice I have may sound counter-productive: don’t fret about your profile. I spent hours choosing “six things I couldn’t live without.” It’s easy to fall into the trap of overthinking every word and researching the “best” ways to present yourself, but being yourself is the key. Obviously you shouldn’t fill your profile with terrible secrets, but be open, weird, and vulnerable. Tell them about your guilty pleasure TV shows or bizarre catchphrases. They’re more likely to make an impression than another perfectly curated profile using 1,000 words to say nothing deeper than “I’m cool and lonely.”
Related to that, don’t let this search be your life. Don’t close yourself off to the possibility of meeting someone the old-fashioned way, and don’t spend all evening of every day perusing the listings to see if anyone new has shown up. Just take a look when you want to, don’t be shy to send a polite, personalized first message (seriously, don’t open with just “hey” or by talking about either of your bodies), and then move on with your day. You have textbooks to read and assignments to write, as well as hobbies you enjoy and friends who miss you. Don’t get so infatuated with the idea of finding a relationship that you neglect the rest of your life.
Last of all, figure out what you’re looking for, but be open to a curveball. I was staunchly focused on finding somebody nearby, so that I wasn’t driving an hour every time I wanted to see them — that is, until one night I was bored, set OkCupid’s search range to 500 km, and found a cool lady who plays Magic: The Gathering and likes good music living in Tacoma. I have to drive four hours to see her, but I’m incredibly thankful that I took that risk of contacting someone outside of my initial comfort zone.
Even if it’s tough to put yourself out there, online dating is the cheaper, quicker option. If you’re curious, it doesn’t hurt to try.
Jeff was The Cascade's Editor in Chief for the latter half of 2022, having previously served as Digital Media Manager, Culture & Events Editor, and Opinion Editor. One time he held all three of those positions for a month, and he's not sure how he survived that. He started at The Cascade in 2016.
