It might have something to do with the encroachment of social media on every corner of our lives; carefully curated online culture tempts us to compare our lives to everyone else’s highlight reel, and leaves us feeling like we have to keep up. Big brand marketing campaigns have also worked very hard in the last few years to convince us all that luxury equals self care and wellness, and that mental health is something that can be maintained by a flash-frozen smoothie subscription box. Or I could just blame Parks and Recreation for starting that whole “treat yo’ self” thing way back in 2011.
However it started, it’s a phenomenon that I can’t stop noticing everywhere I look now. Somewhere along the way I think that we let the words ‘self care’ get away from us. What started as a concept meant to bring happiness and healing to those who are struggling got hijacked; it’s now more of a buzzword than a tangible concept, and I think it’s due for a reboot.
Don’t get me wrong, this is just as much a self-callout as it is an observation; I don’t know how I got so sucked in myself. It always starts out with the best of intentions. If I have a bad day or if I’m stressed about something, I decide that I need to do something nice for “me,” to try and pull myself together. So I drag myself out of the house for a seven dollar iced coffee, or melt into my couch and slip down a YouTube rabbit hole for a few hours.
In moderation, this model of self care may be therapeutic, but I think it is starting to become too easy to over do it. Navigating how to take care of yourself by how you feel in the moment is tricky, especially when you are someone who is struggling with mental health or heavy stress that may distort your judgment. In moments of instability, the most comforting and appealing impulses might seem like a great way to show yourself a little kindness, but that doesn’t mean they are doing anything to take “care” of you.
I’m not saying there isn’t a time and place for glittery bath bombs or eating a bag of cheese popcorn for dinner. The idea of leaning in to what your “soul” needs as a way to take care of yourself has a certain romantic appeal, and I can see why Buzzfeed has managed to turn this mindset into a business. But at a certain point I think it’s worthwhile to stop and ask ourselves: is going with what feels good the same thing as doing what’s good for us? I think that it depends, but in the specific case of what writer Chelsea Fagan from The Financial Diet calls ‘instagram self care,” not necessarily.
I took a class a few years ago where the concept of “self soothing” was introduced as an important tool for emotional regulation. When used mindfully and with intention, self soothing can be extremely useful in helping us cope — but it is not the same thing as self care. If we define self care as literally taking care of ourselves, then sometimes we need to resist the temptation to self soothe. It stands to reason that sometimes the best self care I could practice could be dragging myself through doing my laundry instead of watching three hours of Kitchen Nightmares, or cooking a nutritious meal with vegetables instead of ordering take out.
It’s as unsexy as it is boring, but instead of sleeping in to “treat myself” on my day off this morning, I got up and did my dishes — and let me tell you folks, the serotonin kick doesn’t lie. Sometimes self care is face masks and Netflix, but sometimes it’s sticking to my budget and making myself go to bed before 2:00 a.m. If this all seems incredibly obvious to you, then power to you for figuring this out sooner than I did. But if you relate to this and have been feeling like you need a little pick me up, go pay your hydro bill and make yourself a snack that contains protein and a complex carb. Treat yo’ self!
Image: pariwat pannium / Unsplash
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