In the rapidly changing social landscape of 2020, it has never been a more fascinating and terrifying time to participate in romantic relationships. Only a few decades ago, mainstream relationships were thought to consist of a man and a woman. Today, in the Western world, more people are open and accepting of relationships that break convention.Â
One such convention that is being dismantled is the idea of monogamy, or the committing of oneself to a single partner. Open relationships, polyamory, and other forms of consensual non-monogamy are becoming more and more common as people are open to the idea that there is more than one correct way to engage in relationships. In this shifting landscape of relationship ideals, is monogamy archaic, and should the idea of having multiple partners in a relationship be embraced?
One of the major pros in the argument for monogamy is that it’s the social and cultural norm. It can be difficult to break the pre-established mould, as one can be hyper aware of the questions that arise when one starts pursuing an alternative lifestyle. Some people may question the validity of non-monogamous relationships, and that can be damaging over time, especially when it comes from authoritative sources, such as a family member. Others can find it baffling to exist in multiple relationships due to the fact that any relationship requires a certain amount of intimacy that for them would be difficult to have and maintain with multiple people at one time. Still, others point to the potential jealousy they would experience knowing their partner was seeing somebody else.
To point to a monogamous relationship as the end goal for every single person is kind of ridiculous. Consensual non-monogamous relationships can exist in many forms, including polyamory, being sexually or romantically involved with multiple people at a time; open relationships, where the couple has agreed to be open to having sexual contact with others; and swinging, where a pair of couples agree to swap partners.Â
Not everyone wants the same things from a relationship. Some people have agreed to non-monogamy as a way to fill the needs that can’t be fulfilled by their partner. Those needs are not necessarily sexual in nature, with people choosing to pursue romantic or emotionally intimate relationships as well. Polyamory and open relationships require a great deal of open communication between partners. Boundaries can be and often are set up between partners. These boundaries can include what style of consensual non-monogamy they are participating in and whom the other person can have a relationship with. In many non-monogamous relationships, those engaging in the relationship will often have a primary partner, while maintaining at least one additional relationship as well. And the level of intimacy of that additional relationship is going to vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. Non-monogamy is not for everyone and it’s not going to look the same for everyone.Â
With all of this, would I be content in a non-monogamous relationship? In theory, yes, I could definitely see myself getting to know multiple people on a deep emotional level and I could see how that could help my relationship if I was seeing someone who was not asexual. However, it would need to be discussed with every new partner to see if this relationship model is something they would also be interested in. Non-monogamy, like everything else in a relationship, comes down to trust, communication, and consent.Â
