Happy Feet: the cosmic horror film that time forgot
By: Mikaela Collins
Happy Feet is criminally underrated. Not only is it a great kids’ movie, but if the penguins were recast as humans, it could be adapted into what would likely be regarded as a cosmic horror masterpiece.
Imagine, if you will, a fascist theocracy where people must sing to find their soulmates. Only these unions are seen as valid, so a young man who can’t sing but who compulsively dances has to fight for recognition and acceptance. Though the young man is able to prove his love for his childhood friend, the religious leaders of his community blame him for an ongoing famine which is actually caused by alien interference. The young man sets out to find the aliens, only to learn that he can communicate with them by dancing. He brings the aliens back to his home, and the protagonist has to oust the church and teach everyone to dance so that they can beg for their puny little lives.
Also, the courtship songs that are supposed to come from the core of the characters’ very souls are actually the aliens’ commercial pop hits. Wouldn’t that be wild?
Whose cat is it anyways?
By: Adrian Rain
I love the neighbourhood cats. Big cats, small cats, ugly cats — they’re all good. The problem is that I don’t have one. We’re living in the golden era of pointless walks, my friends, and the height of any walk is when I see your cat standing at the end of your driveway, beckoning me with its fluffy tail and aloof, slightly condescending attitude. Your cat’s eyes meet mine and time freezes. Will he bolt, leaving me cold and alone on the sidewalk? Or will your cat take pity on my poor soul?
For those few precious minutes when I pet your cat, your cat is my cat too. And that’s nice. But please don’t call the police — I’m not trying to be weird. I just wish there was a timeshare system for cats. You get him when he’s in your house, and I get him when he’s on the sidewalk. Full disclosure: I don’t have any money, and I’m not super clear on how timeshares work. Please, I need this.
What my bookshelf reveals about me
By: Carissa Wiens
The New York Times recently published an article titled “What Do Famous People’s Bookshelves Reveal.” The piece goes through several recent celebrity appearances on social media and/or late-night TV shows and which books are on the bookshelves behind them. Since I like talking about my bookshelf I thought I would provide you all with something similar, without actual footage of it.
- In Faith Alone: The Doctrine of Justification by Thomas Schreiner: I have a whole cubby on my bookshelf of all the textbooks I collected over the year and a half I attended two different Bible colleges. I don’t reread those books.\
- Yes She Can: 10 Stories of Hope and Change from Young Female Staffers of the Obama White House compiled by Molly Dillon: I didn’t pay much attention to politics during the Obama administration. But with the dumpster fire of America’s current president, I read books like this to remind me of the good ol’ days.
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Christmas Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella: I’ve read every single book of the Shopaholic series and will read all future books of the Shopaholic series, no questions asked.
What am I doing with my life
By:Andrea Sadowski
I don’t know how it happened, but my day turned into night and my night into day. Time has reversed because time holds no meaning in quarantine/self-isolation. When all there is to do is sit around at home all day, it doesn’t matter what times you are asleep or awake. I have been sleeping between the hours of 8 a.m. – 2 p.m. every day, and am awake for the entire night. Doing what? God only knows. Mostly binging Netflix, baking elaborate cakes, or strolling around my neighbourhood at 3 a.m. I have done everything possible to try and get my body back into a normal circadian rhythm without any success. For some reason, it’s like my brain turns on at night; my most productive hours are between 9 p.m. and 2 a.m. I’ll try to force myself to go to sleep, but as I lay on my mattress, which is so old I can feel the springs massage my back, I get trapped in a cycle of anxious thoughts and promptly drown them out with Netflix until sunrise.
Illustrations: Rain Neeposh/The Cascade
Andrea Sadowski is working towards her BA in Global Development Studies, with a minor in anthropology and Mennonite studies. When she's not sitting in front of her computer, Andrea enjoys climbing mountains, sleeping outside, cooking delicious plant-based food, talking to animals, and dismantling the patriarchy.