The Ultimatum: Queer Love is a reality television series that aired April 6, 2023 on Netflix. It features five couples who have come to the show because one partner in each relationship has issued an ultimatum of marriage and the other is not sure on where they stand.
To begin, everyone “breaks up” with their original partner and is free to mingle and go on dates with each other to gauge their chemistry and attraction to the other contestants. However, they must use their time wisely as they only have a week to decide who they want to enter a three-week trial marriage with. During the trial, they have to live with this other person and try to imagine a joint future — warts and all. Then they get to repeat the process with their original partners to see if they really are “the one” or if they feel as though they would be better off with somebody else. When all the trials are over, they must finally come together as a group to answer the ultimatum. They are given three choices: get engaged to their original partner, break up for good this time, or leave with someone else from the show. Essentially, this show is a recipe for disaster.
On the one hand, I really enjoyed this concept and it was refreshing to see a dating show catered specifically towards queer folks (instead of just having the token queer couple for sake of diversity). On the other, I felt as though Netflix did not embrace this cast to its fullest, as well as not even discussing important topics such as gender identity. In the same vein there is the disregard of using specific cast members’ pronouns. For example, Tiff, Mal, and Xander all use they/them pronouns, and only through actively researching the contestants was I able to find that information. One contestant, Aussie, doesn’t even use pronouns, which I feel could have been a wonderful opportunity to discuss and educate many viewers of the show on important topics surrounding identity.
There also wasn’t much going on in the show. Yes, they had mundane discussions about marriage and went on dates, but that was pretty much it. I found myself missing the simple challenges of Love Island. Even though the challenges were hastily put together most of the time, they broke up the episode and tested the couples’ compatibility in different ways. As such, there were moments when The Ultimatum seemed stagnant and I found myself looking at how much time was left in the episodes.
Also, subject-wise the conversations could be uncomfortable, but that’s to be expected when you put 10 queer women in the room with their exes, but the editing and filming style made it unbearable. The camera lingered just a little too long in some places and it was edited to have long bouts of dead air. Maybe this was a specific choice by the producers to increase tension, but it was one I was not a fan of. It actually made me want to turn the show off, which was so upsetting. It felt like they rushed through important conversations in favour of ones that were littered with petty drama; they did a misjustice to hearing queer voices.
This show had potential to be good. Perhaps my standards were too high and it left me coming out of the experience jaded. I was just so excited to get a trashy reality television show that was focused on queer people! No longer did I have to suffer with RuPaul’s Drag Race to get my fix. On face value it is an okay show — it just doesn’t do well after a close inspection. Unfortunately, it may be a long time till we get a queer dating show that equals the standard of mainstream ones, but we can only hope that the presence of this show (and the feedback it will undoubtedly receive) will push Netflix in the right direction.
Gianna Dinwoodie is currently working towards her BA in Political Science and hopes to pursue a minor in Journalism. When she is not seen writing mountains of essays for her classes, she enjoys poetry and literature of any sort. Especially of the horror or psychological thriller genre! Don't ask her to watch a horror movie though, she'll probably cry...
