I write this article having only been “out” as bisexual to very few people. So if you know me personally and you didn’t know this about me… Hey! What’s up?
Ironically, I don’t even feel the need to label myself most of the time. Why do I call myself bisexual then? I only use the word for convenience purposes: when it’s the easiest way to signal to people that I’m attracted to more than just men.
An American Psychiatric Association study suggests that bisexuals are more at risk of suicide than monosexuals: people who experience attraction to one gender, and that bisexual women in particular are at a higher risk of mood and anxiety disorders than monosexual women. Bisexual men are also at a higher risk of mood and anxiety disorders than heterosexual men. Given these statistics, it’s important for people to give bisexuals a chance to dispel the additional stigmas we face for loving who we love, because I fear the consequences for our additional discrimination.
This is not to say it is every bisexual person’s job to combat pernicious myths surrounding bisexuality. I just happen to be a bisexual person who is willing to bring attention to the unfair assumptions others have about us.
Here’s my list of unexpected predicaments:
Others assume I’m hitting on women when I’m not.
I was chatting with a woman who I had just met, and I was having some friendly conversations with her. Later, a friend who was a witness to the conversation, teased me for apparently appearing attracted to her. It took longer than I would have ever anticipated to convince them I wasn’t interested in her.
Others assume I’m on a date with a woman when I’m not.
Once, when I met up with a friend at a café, someone else I knew was there. They were making bow chicka wow wow faces at me, and it became very clear to me that they thought I was on a romantic date. The rest of the time I was hanging out with this friend, I was hyper-conscious about doing everything in my power to not look like I was on a date.
Men are oblivious when I’m flirting with a woman.
There is perhaps nothing more awkward than when you’re trying to chat up a woman, and a guy who is interested in you — and who you are not interested in — is following you around like a puppy. Respectfully, back off and let me proceed with my mission in peace.
Dealing with the, “Is this your girlfriend?” question from elder millennials.
I usually assume that elder millennials are young enough to know that calling someone “girlfriend” when they mean “a girl that’s a friend” is outdated. Therefore, in these situations, I assume they mean the romantic type of girlfriend. But then I go through a mental list of how they said it — was there a flirty tone? What does their body language say? Are they progressive enough to even consider that I could have a girlfriend?
Dealing with the, “Is this your girlfriend?” question from boomers.
Just kidding. Easy. Over 99 per cent of the time, they mean a girl who’s a friend.
I really don’t have a solution to situations of mistaken attraction or intention. However, as long as these people don’t subscribe to the belief that bisexuals experience attraction towards everyone, I don’t get worked up over it. Also, can we please eliminate the use of “girlfriend” in a platonic sense? It’s just plain old confusing to me. And finally, to those men who unknowingly sabotage my game when I’m trying to flirt with women… quit crotch botching me and go away!
Jade is an English Honours: Creative Writing student. She plans on pursuing an MFA in Creative Writing after graduating from her undergraduate degree. When she’s not in class or studying, she can be found doing karaoke at a local restaurant in hopes of getting noticed and signed to a record deal.