Headphone options are amazing. Not long ago, they essentially came in two varieties: large cans that swallowed half your head, and the small, cheap variety that felt like they were fashioned out of household recyclables — all wired up, of course. These days, the options for style, fit, and budget are almost endless. I don’t want to brag, but I own ***multiple pairs of headphones so that I can choose the right one for any activity. Some are wireless, some block out ambient noise, and some can be worn in just one ear to keep from getting smooshed by a bus. Talk about luxury! It’s this cornucopia of acoustic options that leaves me so baffled at the random, solitary dudes who skulk, strut, and swagger through town with speakers blaring for nobody in particular.
I appreciate the need for a posse of prepubescent teens to share a common speaker — even if the cacophony sounds like five songs played simultaneously — but why, sir, are you playing your backpack tunes for the whole neighbourhood? One sad peacock in particular wanders the streets with a boombox lashed around his neck — like he’s selling ballpark peanuts — the quasi-barrel shape making him look like the only St. Bernard you wouldn’t pet. Maybe he’s still saving up for bagpipes…
Long ago, when DeLoreans roamed the earth, Brad was born. In accordance with the times, he was raised in the wild every afternoon and weekend until dusk, never becoming so feral that he neglected to rewind his VHS rentals. His historical focus has assured him that civilization peaked with The Simpsons in the mid 90s. When not disappointing his parents, Brad spends his time with his dogs, regretting he didn’t learn typing in high school.
