You have surely been in a situation where one person brings up how little they slept last night, only for another to comment that they slept even less. But this is not limited to sleep — it also happens when talking about skipping meals, comparing who had less food in the last 24 hours, or discovering who did the most work with the least amount of breaks. There is no limit to the unfavourable things people brag about!
I’ll be the first to come out and say it — I’ve been that person. But here’s the thing: you have probably been that person too, at least once. We can agree that all of the aforementioned behaviours are not ideal; so then why is it that we tend to make competitions out of them? There’s no award for being the person who slept the least this week, so why does it feel like some people compete for the spot?
I thought long and hard about this topic — I wanted to dissect this peculiar behaviour and find out if there is one specific reason why this happens. What I found is that there are a lot of components to this behaviour, but let’s start with competitive conditioning. Humans are hardwired to engage in competitive practices, since from an evolutionary standpoint, it was beneficial for the survival of the species. Outcompeting others usually meant securing resources which favoured survival, so it is no surprise that people may feel the urge to turn anything into a competition. This aspect is also deeply ingrained in cultural, social, and psychological values. Growing up, some people may have experienced a competitive environment at home, inadvertently fostered by their parents or peers. Other people may subconsciously depend on competition to reassure themselves of their capabilities and self-worth — with their need for recognition and status driving their competitive spirit.
This leads me to the next reason: empathy. I have no doubt that all of us have skipped a meal before, or missed out on a lot of sleep, or lost something valuable. We all know how it feels, or at least have a good idea about how it might feel. A natural reaction could come in the form of expressing empathy toward people who are living through something unfavourable. Drawing from the fact that some people rely on competition for self-assurance, these people might end up externalizing their afflictions in hopes of getting validated by others, and receiving empathy in the process.
For some, bragging about how bad their luck has been all year might be a simple conversation starter, but for others this might be a subtle cry for help. This is why it is important to be on the lookout for people who engage in flexing their bad habits regularly. A decrease or increase in eating or sleeping, along with other alterations in someone’s routine activities, can be signs of psychological distress.
There’s no harm in looking at an unfavourable situation in your life with a bit of humour, even more so if everything is in control. But when it comes to an excess of this behaviour, I invite you to take special note of the afflicted person, as they might be struggling with something they can’t externalize properly. Even if most times it takes knowing the person to spot the signs, starting by empathizing with them can go a long way. And if this sounds like you, don’t be afraid to reach out for help; we all need it from time to time.
