I am currently spending my semester in India doing an internship with a non-governmental organization in Chandigarh. Out of the many ways this country contrasts Canada, one thing that stood out to me the most was the way people classified their marriage as a “love marriage.”
This is the first generation in which it is commonplace to get married out of a love connection rather than an arrangement by parental guardians. Statistics for exactly how many marriages are arranged and how many are for love are unclear, but a survey from 2017 found that 84 per cent of all marriages in India are arranged marriages.
Arranged marriages are not like they used to be, when the bride and groom could meet the day before their wedding. With India being a subcontinent of 1.37 billion people, marriage traditions vary throughout the country. However, in most urban areas of India, semi-arranged marriages are on the rise. A couple is introduced by their parents or a matchmaker and allowed to court to see if they are compatible, and it is acceptable to call the wedding off if any party doesn’t want to continue further.
These marriages, which allow young couples to hold more autonomy, can help to protect women and allow them to use their agency to not get forced into a situation that could be potentially harmful to their well-being. According to a UN report, women who hold more power in choosing whom they marry are three times more likely than women who had no say in their partner to be able to make decisions within their families on topics such as finances, how to raise their children, and contraception. Marriage arrangements are usually more rigid in rural areas, with women not having as much autonomy with their parent’s choice.
I think semi-arranged marriages between consenting adults could actually be better than dating around trying to find a spouse, experiencing endless amounts of heartbreak in the process. Marrying for love is a relatively new concept in history; emotions weren’t taken into consideration up until the 18th century, as marriages were primarily used for political and economic security. Marriage throughout Europe, in Ancient Rome and Ancient Greece for example, was strategic and revolved primarily around money and power.
In India, partners are commonly found for one another through family connections, newspaper classified ads, or matchmaking websites. When parents or matchmakers look for a suitable pair, they look at each other’s financial situations, education levels, and family backgrounds. In more rural areas, things like caste are considered, and bride dowries are still given. Marriages have more resemblance to a business transaction than a romantic Hollywood movie.
Marriages in India have around a one per cent divorce rate; however, these rates do not necessarily mean happy marriages, but rather women’s inability to seek a divorce due to the cultural stigma and financial pressure. A 2012 study surveying 28 arranged marriages and 30 love marriages found that couples in arranged marriages were just as satisfied as couples in love marriages. So why do arranged marriages work so well?
In arranged marriages, you get married, and then you fall in love. Love is not this sweet feeling you get when your husband brings you breakfast in bed: it’s a conscious choice you have to make every single day. It’s important to remember that no marriage is a guarantee. Even if you were head-over-heels in love on your wedding day, that doesn’t mean you will still feel the same way 20 years to come. Marriage is always a gamble, whether it’s arranged or for love. I would argue that if you cut romantic feelings out of the picture, you are more likely to make a clear, logical choice on whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. And it helps to have input from family members who are keeping your best intentions in mind. In the end, it’s about commitment and a willingness to work through whatever differences you may discover along the way.
I don’t know if you have checked out the dating market recently, but if I was at that point in my life where I wanted to get married and I had the option of just asking my parents to find me a suitable husband, I might go for that. Dating for the specific purpose of finding a husband is exhausting and disappointing, which is why consensual, semi-arranged marriages could actually be a really great option.
Andrea Sadowski is working towards her BA in Global Development Studies, with a minor in anthropology and Mennonite studies. When she's not sitting in front of her computer, Andrea enjoys climbing mountains, sleeping outside, cooking delicious plant-based food, talking to animals, and dismantling the patriarchy.