By Sasha Moedt (The Cascade) – Email
Print Edition: September 26, 2012
In other news: the old Spanish woman who botched a 18th century religious fresco painting in her efforts to restore it is demanding royalties from the church. Tourists—sorry, pilgrims—from all over the world are flocking to see what was once Ecce Homo – Behold the Man.
Now it’s called Ecce Mono: Behold the Monkey.
Oh, what a twist. What was once a soulful looking Jesus Christ is now a round-faced blob that, yes, resembles monkey. An article in The Province called it an “amateur restoration.” Amateur! This is like something out of Mr. Bean! It might even be more horrific than that. At least Mr. Bean didn’t desecrate a holy painting.
But, Mr. Bean pulled through in the end, didn’t he? That’s not the case for this lady. She wants what’s owed to her.
According to The Province, the church in Borja, Spain, has begun to charge a $10 entrance fee. The earning in the first four days was $8000. Well! And now Cecilia Gimenez, in her 80s, wants a cut for her efforts. Who wouldn’t?
Gimenez’s lawyer says she only wants the money for “charitable purposes.” Sure, and that’s what the church is probably saying, too. What are they thinking? Why would they put up a desecrated picture of Jesus? I suppose they wouldn’t but for the money.
Apparently people thrive off the oddities of religion. Miracles, visions, possessions by demons, whatever keeps you interested. I mean, religion can’t stay the same forever. Otherwise it wouldn’t be applicable! That’s what’s so great about this painting – it’s so relevant! Just as the likeness of Jesus Christ in the mold between your walls in the house or in your scone is broadcasted as news around the world, this new restoration technique for the old priceless paintings is a sensation. It’s like it’s a symbol of humanity screwing around with religion and fucking up big time. Beautiful.
I could see something starting with this. A huge influx of tourists—pilgrims!—coming to see such an inspiring painting. Why not take a few more amateur liberties on some other worn out works? People get bored of the same old thing. But add some paint and maybe a bit of scandal, and perhaps the declining popularity of the Roman Catholic Church will begin to rise again.
Jesus in The Good Shepherd could use a bit of colour … Maybe the Immaculate Heart of Mary could be added to, it’s a bit bare. I bet there’d be artists even better than Cecilia Gimenez that would paint for less. In fact, since we’re on the topic – I wonder if Mr. Bean is still around?
I tell ya, if we can recruit that old chap, the Pope will be as popular as the ones in the medieval times.
