Earlier this week, as I often do, I found myself in the position of therapist to one of my good friends. She had come to me regarding this guy she’d met who — surprise, surprise — hadn’t been the guy she’d thought she’d met. I am by no means a relationship expert, but for whatever reason, I’ve always been the one my friends come to when they need advice. Somehow, I’ve actually managed to set up three couples — two of which are still together — so perhaps that amounts to some sort of credibility. Nevertheless, I proceeded to receive her bombardment of texts regarding the matter and tried to be as supportive as I could.
My friend eventually asked me a question that she’d never asked me before: “Rita, why do they all end up like this? Why do they all wind up to be guys who have just broken up with their ex of two years, looking for a rebound?”
I responded with, “Maybe that’s your type?”
She replied with, “So my type is emotionally unavailable?”
I stared at my phone, pondering this. The question had merit to it — why does this keep happening to her? Why is it always a very scarily similar story? Eventually, I had a bit of an epiphany. Perhaps it wasn’t her type, but rather her curse.
If we can get deep here for a moment, I have this theory that we are all born with a bit of a curse — an “Achilles’ heel,” if you will. In my theory, I’ve separated the “Categories of Life,” as I call them, into seven key aspects: family, friends, wealth, intelligence, love, morals, and luck. I believe that everyone, no matter who you are or where you come from, is born cursed in at least one of these aspects, and it doesn’t just have to be in one way. Some struggles are more serious than others, perhaps involving the law or life-and-death situations, but that does not discredit the fact that, big or small, everyone has at least one problem. Perhaps a woman’s family is broken, and therefore she struggles to maintain strong relationships with all of her family members — she may have to pick sides. On the flip side, another woman’s family might love her so much that they are overprotective of her, and this in turn hinders her ability to find a relationship because her parents don’t approve of her choices (and this is a merge between family and love).
According to this theory I’ve come up with, just because you are cursed does not mean you will never achieve satisfaction in that category. It just means that you will have to work extra hard to overcome that particular struggle. On the contrary, you may have blessings in other categories, and those level out the distress of your struggles.
I explained this concept to my distressed friend, saying that maybe her curse is in love, particularly that it seems she becomes attracted to the right person at the wrong time. I told her it wasn’t necessarily something wrong that she was doing; perhaps the universe is telling her that a relationship isn’t in the cards for her right now. Perhaps it’s pointing at a different person altogether. Who knows? She told me she appreciated the insight and that it made a lot of sense, so I was inspired to share the concept on a broader scale.
I want to make it clear at this point that I do not condone blaming a curse and simply avoiding the struggle altogether. If anything, I think our curses should encourage us to work harder on our struggles, to overcome things we find challenging, and to feel good about the success we have in them. But if something just isn’t working one way, don’t beat yourself up over it — find an alternative. Use it as a sign directing you towards the right path. Your curse shouldn’t be an excuse to just sit around and sulk about life. You should take the negatives and make something productive and positive out of them. And if we are all indeed cursed, we should be a bit more lenient and caring with one another. We should help each other with our struggles instead of tearing each other down.
I believe that I have a curse of my own that I wish not to share. It frustrates me. But I will also say that I’ve learned a lot from the struggles it presents me, and that I try and make the best of its results. I’ve come to discover a lot more about myself and who I am as a person; I’ve developed more as an individual, a growth I think was necessary for me.
In this way, I can look at my curse as a bit of a blessing. I encourage you to try and do the same.
