By Nadine Moedt (The Cascade) – Email
Print Edition: January 21, 2015
You’re engaged! Your family’s going to wonder why it took so long, your friends are going to wonder why all their friends are getting engaged, and your ex will probably post an annoyingly vague status about his or her feelings on the matter.
But first, you have to tell them. And unless you want a few ruffled feathers, you’ve got to do it right. Your family might have a “finally” reaction, but they want to be able to have that reaction first. Your family, friends, and acquaintances will equate how you tell them with how you feel about them. If you think this should be about your relationship, think again. This is a special moment for a lot of other people.
Before you begin, make sure you talk it over with your spouse-to-be. Talking about your expectations is crucial at this point in your relationship.
The communication tools available to you range widely, from a face-to-face chat to a phone call to an impersonal mass email or Facebook post.
To start, consider the people who will most likely be affected by the news. If there are children involved — from this relationship or a previous one — they should be the first to know. Don’t be overbearing; tell them calmly, ideally in a fun family setting.
According to (rather outdated) tradition, the bride’s parents should be the first to know. My advice, however, is to take your news to the people who will be the most happy for you. If your parents have hated your future spouse from day one, maybe start with someone who will want to celebrate with you, like a sibling or close friend. Taking your news to someone who will react poorly might introduce doubt to your decision, or leave you with bad memories of sharing your news.
If you do expect your family to react poorly, you now have to make the decision about whether to tell them alone, or with your lover in tow. Having your spouse-to-be present might afford you some protection — your sharp-tongued family might not say the first hurtful thing that comes to mind. If it’s something you can deal with and your lover can’t, it may be best to brave the storm alone.
The mass email or Facebook post should be left for absolute last. If you have a hundred family members, tell the ones you are close to in person or over the phone and send an email for the others. Facebook posts can often come across as a little braggy, especially if you have an unpared list of 500 friends, mostly from high school. That guy you met at a hostel in Rome two years ago doesn’t need to know that you’re about to be married. Tell who you need to tell, share your engagement photos if you like, and the others will find out naturally.
As much as it might not seem important (especially if you have that you-and-me-against-the-world thing going on), sharing your news and celebrating with family and friends is one of the best parts of getting married. Do it right and enjoy the limelight!
