By Mitch Huttema (The Cascade) – Email
Print Edition: April 1, 2015
Information has surfaced claiming that elements of the new Student Union Building (SUB) will attempt to appease unhappy students. $10 million of the $15 million needed to build the SUB has been directly funded by students, most of which will hardly benefit from the building. Because of this, vending machines, nap space, and a 24 / 7 happy hour have been added to the building to make it more appealing to unhappy students.
The most recent leak of decrees from SUS reports that vending machines in the SUB will carry not only snacks and drinks, but also university essentials. One-size-fits-all sweatpants, 5-Hour Energy drinks, pillows, and sleep masks are a few of the clever things on the list. Ramen noodles, Time Turners, and Pepto-Bismol are also among some of the rumoured items that will be available, as well as fake doctor’s notes, and even death certificates for distant relatives.
As usual, though, this seems like a great direction — it’s not. The machines will be funded by yet another mandatory fee paid along with tuition, in addition to the near $100 each student pays to the SUS already. So whether or not you use it, you still get to pay for it!
SUS wants more funding for this moonshot of a pipedream just to make students feel better about it all. But do we really need these machines? What if the one-size-fits-all sweatpants don’t fit anyone? What if the ramen is mouldy? There are too many potential problems with these machines and they need to be held off.
Another hokey plan in the new SUB is to map out the whole top floor of the building for nap space. Each chamber will be sound- and light-proof and may be booked out by any student. The reality is that this will be a welcome addition to an otherwise nap-less university. Students walk around like zombies during midterms, finals, and Mondays. The option to catch a nap between (or instead of) classes is a great opportunity. But are students so base as to be bribed to forget they’re being duped out of hundreds of dollars? Time will tell.
The most daunting challenge that students must face will be 24 / 7 happy hour at the new pub. Renamed “Student Hour,” the happy hour will allow for a 50 per cent discount on all hard liquor as well as 75 per cent off all beer. If nap space will be a challenge to resist, discount booze will be like trying to keep magnets from iron. Students need to resist these bribes and stand up for their cash.
And what about the students who have graduated and will never even see more than photos of the SUB? These problems need to be addressed and a solution needs to be found. The building will be around for 50 years, and 50 years of students will use it while the 10 years of students that paid for it will hardly get to see it. Boycott the vending machines, sleep in the hallways, and bring your own booze. Do not bow to appeasement and rally against this outrage!
