For most of my life, insecurities and self-scrutiny were the everyday norm of my existence. I remember how the mere thought of exposing myself to potential failure was enough to trigger my anxiety, and sometimes, even a full blown panic attack. I felt incompetent, and that my skills were lacking, insufficient, and unsurprising — I used to feel like there was always so much to improve before I even got to a place worthy of recognition. But for the most recent 10 per cent of my life, the exact opposite has been true. What type of magic trick did I pull off to transition from a place of insecurity to one of empowerment? I’m a witch who gatekeeps no spells, so let me share the one that worked for me: I faked it until I made it.
That’s correct. The very same “spell” I used to refute and reject when I was younger turned out to be an accurate summary of what I did to achieve the confidence I have today. Well, for the most part. “Fake it until you make it” is, in essence, pretending or practicing something until it pays off or gives favourable results. In a way, it is a motto that allows you to fake confidence that you feel you may not have, and in turn allows you to close the gap to the performance you want to achieve or complete the goal you desire to accomplish. What I came to discover was that faking something did not necessarily mean to become something I am not — that would be unrealistic. Instead, it became a window through which I could tap into the potential hidden deep inside me. That may sound cliché, but we’ve just begun peeling the layers of this onion here. It gets juicier.
At the beginning, my lack of confidence meant that I felt too limited to even know what to start faking in the first place. I was convinced that me faking something would be too unnatural and a dead giveaway of my incompetence. So, who was the first person I had to fool? Myself, of course. I know I am not the first nor will I be the last to get imposter syndrome —when you don’t feel good enough when compared to others despite the position you are in, and fear for the day you get exposed for being an incompetent faker. That ideology kept me in a negativity spiral that was very hard to break away from. I tried pulling an Uno reverse card on my imposter syndrome by asking myself:
“Well, what if I can actually do it despite being almost certain I can’t?”
This was my breakthrough. In Parmenides’ words, “nothing comes from nothing.” You can’t spawn something out of nowhere. The way I internalized this knowledge is that whatever I chose to do — no matter if true or a facade — has to be coming from something that already exists within me. That capable persona that was born when I decided to step up whatever the cost was not fake at all, it was just hiding outside limits that I hadn’t explored before. I fooled my imposter syndrome, the one that insisted I was not enough, to let me impersonate a version of me that could actually do it. I wasn’t becoming another person by doing this, I was merely tapping into knowledge that normally I didn’t materialize.
For me, it was important to start small and build that capable persona little by little. Talking to other people used to be incredibly daunting, so I faked it. I thought about what I would do if I actually knew how to approach people, what to say to them, how to react, and when I had my answer, I went for it. I embodied that hypothetical version of myself that was able to talk to other people, without realizing that it was just me all along. With time, talking to new people did not feel daunting anymore, because I already knew how to do it. Talking to new people turned into asking for opportunity leads, and looking for those opportunities led to job hunting, and that led to professional branding. All of which I didn’t think I could do, when I was indeed capable of doing so all along. It’s crazy how a small step turned into a massive leap. I bet 16-year-old Natalia would be blown away with how much I’ve gotten away with by fooling myself into doing stuff. I hope I’ve made her proud.
