Everyone is looking for love. Everyone has that desire for a deep connection with someone they can spend long hours with in meaningful conversation, or for someone’s hand to hold if you’re feeling particularly physically affectionate. If you’ve already found someone to help fill the void of existential loneliness and increasing anxiety toward the inevitable collapse of society and the world at large, that’s fantastic. As for the rest of us, we’ll just slowly die of social isolation because platonic love and intimate friendships can’t evoke any of the same feelings as a romantic relationship.
Society has long since held the idea that romantic, heterosexual love and desire is the be-all and end-all of relationships. It is what everyone is looking ahead to and working toward. We are constantly bombarded by the image of the perfect couple — in Disney movies, on social media, by our out-of-touch grandmothers who just want us to “settle down with a nice young person of the opposite sex.” We are all just waiting to lock eyes with someone and know that they’re the one. Our one true love with whom we will settle down in a nice suburban home complete with a yard, a white picket fence, 2.5 healthy, happy children, and a dog. We can’t forget the dog.
Love can conquer all. We would all be 10 million per cent happier if we just had the perfect partner; whatever trauma we had as children or adolescents would disappear, panic attacks and self-destructive thoughts would cease all together, and we wouldn’t feel like we were worthless. Our partner loves us and we believe them. If we aren’t happier while in a relationship, it’s not a result of our own deep-seated issues that should be addressed in therapy; no, it must be that our partner isn’t loving us properly. It can’t be our fault. It’s our partner’s job to fulfill us.
What if your partner has their own issues that are keeping the relationship from flourishing? Don’t worry. You can fix them if you love them enough. Taking on their problems won’t drain you. They don’t need counselling, outside support, or medication. They just need you to love them.
Actually finding someone to call your own is the hardest part. Just look around: there are people constantly surrounding you — in your classes, at your job, on the bus. Believe me, it’s in no way awkward or creepy to go up to someone unprovoked and ask them if they would like to spend the rest of their life with you. Bonus points if you begin dating your best friend of the opposite gender. We all know that men and women can’t have fulfilling, platonic relationships without falling deeply and inexplicably in love with each other. It doesn’t matter if you have nothing in common. You were meant to be.
If you prefer not having the stress of trying to manufacture your own human connection, online dating may be for you. Let their highly sophisticated algorithm cupids do the work for you.
Don’t worry if you have absolutely no attraction, physical nor romantic, to your partner. You can force yourself to be in love with them. If years pass and you still feel nothing, except maybe a small amount of hatred or resentment, well it’s too late now. You made a commitment, and you can’t break that for anything.
If you do break up with your partner, it’s best to do so early before any real feelings set in. Hopefully they were your close friend, classmate, or coworker so now you can redirect all of the energy you devoted to dating them into actively avoiding them.
After your break-up, get into a new relationship as soon as possible. You’ll either find your soulmate or you’ll make your ex jealous enough that they beg you to take them back. You could even try dating two people at once; it’s not cheating, it’s non-consensual polyamory and it’s hot.
Remember, as long as society accepts your relationship, it’s not wrong. Being in an unhappy relationship is better than being alone forever.
