Somone please hire me
Sydney Marchand
As a soon-to-be UFV grad, I have been proactive in my job hunt over the last month or two. I’ve written and rewritten my resume about two dozen times and have spent countless hours drafting cover letters and networking for employment, and yet, I have absolutely no leads. I feel like I’m speed dating, but for work. Trying to connect with strangers, attempting to sell them the idea of taking a chance on me. I’m a catch, I swear. I can commit. I’m loveable and respectable. I’m… desperate?
Although I was super excited to graduate, now that the time has come and I am forced to compete for a career in the real world with adults, I am absolutely terrified. Sure, I’ve had my fair share of work experience and so I know that I’m not totally unhirable, but for some reason, the idea of using my degree as a tool to get a job totally freaks me out. UFV needs to teach a course about how to network because that is apparently the only way to get work with an arts degree. Wish me luck, and if you are hiring, call me.
The Great Escape
By Teryn Midzain
After almost a year of plotting and scheming, the perfect opportunity for Mosey the artful calico to make a fast and daring escape arose.
The opportunity presented itself as my uncle, who was paying for Chinese takeout. A knee held the door as he tucked his wallet away, both his mind and stomach distracted by the aroma of good eats. And then, she pounced.
Bolting to the door like a crone free from shackles, Mosey performed a swift feint for the food bags to confuse and off-balance the guardian of the door. She leaped through his legs down the lane between the townhouses.
Victory lasted only half a dozen feet, when she padded to a halt at the edge of the driveway. An area unknown to Mosey, the concrete jungle of townhouses, parked cars, and kids racing on bicycles reminded her ancient self that she was no longer in Cultus anymore. Now frozen in place without the knowledge of the best hunting spots and the territories of the neighboring pets.
Her 13-year-old body was rooted in place until my uncle caught her and scooped her up. He carried Mosey back to her prison of soft quilts and cushions to sleep on, and endless huntless meals to enjoy as she schemes and waits for her next opportunity.
As long as I got my soup
By Emmaline Spencer
Kids these days are so strange. My younger sister announced to me that she would like soup for her birthday. Soup, as in cans of store bought soup. She doesn’t want homemade soup for a meal; she just wants a multitude of cans of soup as a gift. Gone are the days of her asking for toys or art supplies and now is the era of asking for cravings.
I asked her what kind of soup she would like and she simply said, “any kind.” So I went to the grocery store and proceeded to be that guy from every math problem by purchasing several cans of soup for her. There’s something about just buying cans of soup, and the look you get for doing it. At least she’s happy with her soup. Maybe it’ll help keep her warm this winter. What a weird kid.
Halloween treats reviewed
By Jeff Mijo-Burch
Halloween’s done, and now we’re left to clean up the pumpkins, take down the decorations, and do the ever-important work of eating a whole lot of candy. And I have thoughts on candy that I need to share. However, this is a snapshot, so I can’t go into the excruciating detail that I would like to. So here are my three-word reviews on the candy I ate this Halloween (and in my humble opinion, only chocolate bars matter. If I’m going to overindulge on individually-wrapped sweets, I need chocolate involved).
Aero: solid palette cleanser. Caramilk: sweet, simple, forgettable. Coffee Crisp: uniquely excellent crunch. Crispy Crunch: why’s it sharp? Kit Kat: consistently solid choice. M&Ms: best for quantity. Peanut M&Ms: scarce delicious nuggets. Mars: mid-tier personified. Mr. Big: best, no debate. Smarties: we outta M&Ms? Snickers: fun lil guy. Twix: underrated, inoffensive legend. Wunderbar: more like Blunderbar.
If you disagree with any of my choices, please feel free to leave me additional candy at The Cascade’s office and I will eat it and continue to have strong feelings about it.
Emmaline is working on her BA and ambitions to become an English teacher. They always say, those who cannot do, teach. She spends her free time buying, reading, and hoarding books with the hope that one day she will have no furniture and instead only have piles of books.
Sydney is a BA English major, creative writing student, who has been a content contributor for The Cascade and is now the Opinion editor. In 7th grade, she won $100 in a writing contest but hasn’t made an earning from writing since. In the meantime, she is hoping that her half-written novels will write themselves, be published, and help pay the bills.
Teryn Midzain is an English Major with ambitious goals to write movies and a full-time nerd, whose personality and eccentrics run on high-octane like the cars he loves. More importantly, Teryn loves sports [Formula One], and doesn’t care who knows. When not creating and running deadly schemes in his D&D sessions, Teryn tries to reach the core of what makes the romantic and dramatic World of Sports, the characters and people that make the events so spectacular.
Jeff was The Cascade's Editor in Chief for the latter half of 2022, having previously served as Digital Media Manager, Culture & Events Editor, and Opinion Editor. One time he held all three of those positions for a month, and he's not sure how he survived that. He started at The Cascade in 2016.