When we think of YouTubers, we often think of Mr. Beast, Markiplier, or Jacksepticeye. Individually we also all have our favorites, lifestyle influencers, StudyTubers, BookTubers, or bearded men smithing in their backyard. Either way, we often think that these people have it all — that they get paid an outrageous amount of money to showcase games, give opinions, even read a book — anything they love to do. They get paid to play.
We see this, and it’s not hard to think that it’s easy and any of us could do it too, but the reality is that this late in the game, reaching that amount of fame is as likely as winning the lottery. Sure, it happens, but not often. Aside from being tardy to the world of YouTube, any new YouTuber will find that editing and posting videos is time consuming, and that it doesn’t really pay at first — or sometimes at all. On top of all these fantasies of fame and fortune not coming true, a new YouTuber will be putting themselves in front of a camera and on the internet for the world to see, making them vulnerable (although some people like this).
So why do it? Why start now?
Well, why do I do it?
At the beginning of the pandemic, there was a massive surge in live streaming and YouTubing, and my partner and I were no exception. All of a sudden we found ourselves in lockdown, staring into the whites of each other’s eyes, and all out of Netflix to watch. My partner had been a gamer for years, and I had played a game or two in the past decade. We decided that streaming and YouTubing a gaming channel could be fun. They got to share with me a hobby they loved and I got to have fun learning something new. Even though we never “made it big,” within two years our lives had changed by this decision. They discovered a passion for voice acting, and I discovered a way to have non-exhausting social interactions.
We didn’t keep the gaming channel, even though we had a couple hundred followers and some videos had accumulated a lot of views. My partner is now a full time voice actor, and as for me, I started a new channel. I still play more video games than I ever had before, but my real joy is and will always be books. I came back to school so that I can study books, I started writing at the paper to make me a better writer so that one day I could write books, and I have a completely unsuccessful BookTube channel so that I can share my love of books with others in a social setting that is comfortable.
Today, as I write this, I have 28 lovely subscribers. I can post a video with my thoughts on a book and wait for a comment (which surprisingly, I get). Then, I get to reply to that comment, and hopefully it develops into a conversation, without the tiring human interaction. The channel also makes me accountable to my goals, as I share them and update them in my channel, and even more importantly I get to grow in self-confidence. As I’ve said, it can be uncomfortable to be vulnerable in front of a camera and posting it for others to see, but it’s also within this discomfort that I have found growth within myself. I get to post a video, panic, and then with time accept that I’m out there. Just as I get comfortable with that, I get to do it again. Somehow, this repeated self-inflicted torture of self-reflection and doubt has somehow made me more resilient to my negative self dialogue.
I don’t think I’ll ever be famous, and I don’t think BookTubing will ever pay off my student loans, but as long as I can keep growing in self-confidence, as long as I can keep meeting others who like books, and as long as I’m having fun, I will keep posting on my channel.
