By Sasha Moedt (The Cascade) – Email
Print Edition: April 4, 2012
What good are pennies? Finance Minister Jim Flaherty said in his 2012 federal budget release that the penny is “currency without currency.” As a result, the penny will soon be extinct, and rightfully so.
According to The Vancouver Sun, it costs 1.5 cents to manufacture each penny. Canadians lose $11 million each year to pennies produced by the Royal Canadian Mint. $11 million so that the gas station can ask $1.69 for a chocolate bar? $11 million so that the customer in front of you can slowly count out their pennies for exact change? $11 million so that you have to have hundreds of pennies in your car, under the couch, spilling out your ears? No thank-you.
Soon after the announcement of the obliteration of the coin, the Canadian penny took to Twitter to voice its anger.
“What? This is bullshit!” @CDN_PENNY stated in its first tweet. It might have 1879 followers, but the Canadian penny has yet to gain clout. But nevertheless, the Canadian penny is articulately calling out for support of Canadians, with undeniable logic: “Listen, the maple leaves haven’t been valuable for a long time and THEY’RE still around. How does THAT work?”
But the Canadian penny is soon to be extinct anyway. Businesses dealing with cash are recommended to round up or down, after tax has been applied. So if your coffee is $1.89, it’s going to be $1.90, and if it’s $1.86, it’s $1.85.
The penny still thinks the whole thing is bull. “Good luck giving your two cents NOW, assholes. Round THAT up,” it tweeted.
I can’t help but feel nostalgic reading the tweets of an angry little penny. It’s the same feeling that came with the rejection of Pluto as a planet and with the disappearance of the portable CD player. But the natural urge to cling to tradition, even if it’s useless, is inside us all: landline phones; physical books; the institution of marriage. These are the things we grew up with, and the urge to stick with them is practically bred into us, whether or not we really should.
Ultimately, the penny is just bringing us down. But let’s reminisce for a while. It was always the yuckiest coin in your change purse, with its dark copper colour; dirt and crud seemed to collect on it. Yet if you saw one on the side of the road, you picked it up straight away. The lucky penny. If you wanted to save five cents or so on a purchase, you could pay for your stuff in all pennies. The cashier would just stick the handful of coins in their till, and assume you counted correctly. You were off, scot free! You could throw three cents into the tip jar, and the chiming of coins could be anything! You could pass yourself off as a generous tipper.
The Canadian penny has responded indignantly to Jim Flaherty‘s dismissal of its worth: “Looking for something to throw into fountains? How about Jim Flaherty?”
At this point, it’s just being a bitter little bastard. It costs too much. No one uses it. It’s small and ugly. It is rude on twitter. Canada giveth, and Canada taketh away, like I always say. It’s time to flip this coin into history. Penniless is the way to go. Penny-pinching? It’s a headache, and so are all the other stupid clichés associated with it.
In a touching call for support, @CDN_PENNY told followers to “go find 25 of me. Call someone who cares.” But this plea only serves to remind us how old fashioned and out of date the coin is. It costs 50 cents for a phone call.
