By Katherine Gibson (The Cascade) – Email
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After having spent three sessions with UFV counsellors, Gabriella has come back for another. Building on the past weeks, this meeting was spent reflecting on Gabriella’s stress triggers, as well as reinforcing the importance of previously learned coping techniques.
As Gabriella explains, the first part of this session was spent reflecting once again on the role of “twisted thoughts,” or self-defeating beliefs, in adding to her stress levels.
“We touched on the twisted thoughts again and how to recognize them. Even when I was in the session with her I said, ‘I should be this,’ because she asked me how I was feeling,” Gabriella notes. “I said, ‘I feel like I should be really stressed right now.’”
Gabriella’s use of the word “should,” in labelling her current stress state led the counsellor to help Gabriella further decipher where her stress comfort levels or “safe zones” are.
“There are appropriate amounts of stress, because if you don’t have any kind of stress, you’re kind of disengaged. You need some stress in order to get stuff done,” she explains. [Safe zones] are a [stress] scale between one; one being Zen, and 10; 10 being a panic attack.”
“My ‘safe zone’ is between four or five and that’s where I am now. I’m doing my homework, all of my stuff is getting handed in, but I’m still calm,” Gabriella continues. “This is something new for me, but apparently that is exactly how it should be—this is how it should feel—using ‘should’ in a good sense.”
Beyond identifying healthy levels of stress, Gabriella was also challenged to examine the difference between her internal and external forms of self-doubt.
“The minute I said ‘I feel like I should be stressed,’ that was [the counsellor’s] trigger to say, we need to look again at how your twisted thoughts get in,” she goes on. “I have stopped myself a few times, but it’s more the mental ones that I stop; where I’m sitting there thinking and assessing a situation, or deciphering what is going on in [my mind].
“I say those [thoughts] quietly in my head and I can hear them and stop them,” Gabriella continues. “But it’s actually when I verbally say those things, and I do this in normal conversations—even in joking—but it’s all having the same impact.”
Critically assessing, with the help of the counsellor, why her internal twisted thoughts were easier to combat than the ones she speaks verbally, Gabriella came to the realization that her internal self-doubt was easier to discern because it comes to her at a slower pace.
“Thinking is a little bit slower – it’s strange. When something large happens and I’m sitting there thinking it through, the [twisted] thoughts that are coming into my head tend to be ones that are recurring, so they’re a little bit more obvious,” Gabriella notes. “But when I verbally say something, like, ‘I feel like I should be so stressed right now,’ that’s something that we all say. It is something that we do more naturally.”
During her session, Gabriella also came to a realization regarding the source of one of her main stresses – the pressure to excel academically. Reflecting on her family’s influence in this matter, Gabriella recognized that although important, academic pressures should not be allowed to govern her personal sense of self-worth.
“My Dad’s side [of the family] was quite hard on me. I mean I’m pretty much a straight ‘A’ and ‘B’ student, but the minute I get a ‘B,’ I feel that it is the worst thing ever,” she explains. “I would think, ‘I must be so stupid; I can’t believe I’m this terrible,’ and all of those self-defeating thoughts would come in.
“But what would be the worst thing if I got a ‘B’ in my class, right? That would be great. I’m more okay with that, and I can stop myself when I’m freaking out over an assignment. I realize that something’s gotta give,” Gabriella goes on. “I can’t always read all of the assignments – shhh, don’t tell [my] professors. There are some times when we have to let loose a little bit or we’re going to split into a million pieces.”
In the past, the end of the semester stress would have left Gabriella feeling overwhelmed and out of control, but this semester she is feeling relatively calm. Gabriella, attributes this new sense of calm to her counselling and a new found dedication to maintaining balance between her academic and social life.
“This time of the semester would usually mean panic, tight chest, hardly being able to breathe, stressed, and pulling out my hair, but it actually doesn’t have to be that way,” she says. “Just breathing and going to the counselling sessions has been great because it’s someone there to talk to and remind you about what you need to do.
“It’s really strange – it’s like little breathing concentration fairies have come to me,” Gabriella says laughing. “I also think it’s actually taking the time to have a social life. There are times when I’m still banging my head against the wall saying, ‘why can’t I do this homework?’ but I’m more okay with it.
“I’m dipping my toes into both areas of my life – because both are important. I mean obviously university is very important and you don’t want to be blowing it off, but it’s just taking that time for yourself to relax even for a few minutes,” she continues. “It’s important to give your mind that break, just like the little breathing sessions that we do for ourselves; it’s a form of relaxation.
“I haven’t had as many panic attacks and I’m feeling pretty stable,” Gabriella goes on. “I mean I have my crazy moments—but we all do—we’re all human and it’s the end of the semester, but overall, I’m pretty good.”
After finishing her session with a 10-step meditation, the counsellor asked Gabriella whether or not she wanted to continue her counselling come January. Recognizing the benefits of UFV’s counselling program and desiring to work further through her anxiety, Gabriella has decided to continue.
“That was my last session, but [the counsellor] asked if I would like to carry on, and I am down with it. It was a question of whether I wanted to float on the surface or if I wanted to dig deep – and I’m someone who likes to go digging for gold,” Gabriella explains.
“[The counsellor] gave me a sheet about memories and I’m going into each of them. We are who we are for a reason. Like when I see the letter ‘B’ on a paper and I freak out and think that I’m a terrible person – that came from somewhere,” she notes. “I personally think that the way to understand yourself is to go back into the past, so I am definitely taking advantage of this.
“I’m sure it’s going to be tough though because there’s obviously stuff you bottle up and things that we don’t like to talk about, but this is going to be a safe place to do that,” Gabriella concludes.
“I feel a little bit spoiled; I have a kind of friend that can help me through. I tell [the counsellor] something and then I’m given something to help me in return. I feel like I’m moving forward, rather than just sitting here.”
