By Xtina (Contributor) – Email
Print Edition: November 13, 2013
What’s the difference between having a secret lover and a booty call? The distinction lies in the respective titles.
“Secret lover” implies some level of intimacy. The time you spend together is satisfying—and due to the secret nature of your relationship—exhilarating. You may do dinner and a movie on the couch instead of at a fancy restaurant and theatre but the sentiment is there. You enjoy the person – not only the physical spoils. By definition however, there is some element of this person or relationship that requires secrecy.
Alternatively, the classic “booty call” is defined by a last-minute call or text aimed at securing nooky. This tends to occur after the lights come on at the club and there are no other prospects, or during your lunch break to relieve stress and set you back on the path to success.
I’m sure if you’ve gotten yourself into one of these situations, you have your reasons for doing so. There are always legitimate reasons why your booty call or secret lover just can’t make the leap to full relationship status.
Maybe your playmate is amazing between the sheets but just can’t hold his or her own in your social circle. Or perhaps they are an ex that still “rings your bell,” so to speak.
You may just be in a position where a bonafide partner is undesirable or unrealistic at the moment; another possibility is that one or both of you are in another relationship. If we’ve learned anything from Tiger Woods, we know this type of scandalous tryst almost always ends in tragedy. You may lose more than you bargained for here.
Luckily, our good friend Stevie Wonder came up with some rules to avoid attachment and shirk suspicion. He croons them out in his appropriately titled song, “Part Time Lover.”
“Call up, ring once, hang up the phone
To let me know you made it home
Don’t want nothing to be wrong with part-time lover…
If I’m with friends and we should meet
Just pass me by, don’t even speak
Know the word’s “discreet” when part-time lovers.”
Stevie clearly had the formula for avoiding drama, but this type of half-relationship can’t go on forever, nor should it. Both of you deserve the valid and satisfying, full package. So when should you cut ties with your secret lover or booty call?
This breed of encounter will usually peter out on its own, thankfully. Generally this happens when one or both of you meet someone with real prospects. But to be sure, have the conversation. Set clear boundaries and make sure you are both on the same page in the book of clandestine copulation. If not, there’s always a chance your counterpart will blow you off or blow your cover, leaving you at the mercy of hopeful one-night-stands or—gasp—attempting an actual relationship.
