By Panku Sharma (Contributor) – Email
I wish I was someone who brings the party with them, who can pull a “Footloose” anywhere and everywhere and be remembered in song for generations to come. I’m too naturally irritable and uncoordinated to be that person, but the other weekend I met someone who I believe considered themselves the paragon of party-dom. It wasn’t until this experience that I realized that this stuff is only really cool and endearing in the movies or when you’re plastered.
I don’t want to call out anyone specific who might be discernible through context and clues, so instead of my specific personal encounter I’ve devised a handy dandy general scenario that I believe most readers could identify with.
It’s a dimly lit cafe, with tables and chairs facing a knee-high stage. You came to perform some open mic poetry and enjoy the music of a very talented and well-regarded musical troupe. You did not come to try and embarrass or offend anyone, and you definitely did not come to dance. You are laden in inhibition and self-consciousness, but if given the right amount of drinks and crowd of people, you’ll jive, pop, saute, raise the roof, robot, and worm with the best of them. This just isn’t one of those nights. It’s late, you worked all day, and sometimes being a passive audience member without the distraction of staying in rhythm lets you enjoy the music more. The music is amazing, for the record; you’re bobbing your head and even getting the shoulders into it. The drummer gave you a nod, acknowledging how dope he is.
There’s a group of friends who’ve come up to the front of the room by the stage and are having a great time dancing along with the music. They are about 30 years older than you, but it warms your heart to see people having a good time. One of them, an older woman in a shawl, starts gesturing for you and your partner to join in. You smile, genuinely happy for her having such a good time, but gesture back with a polite “no thank you.”
This is where most of these encounters should stop, unless you know the person or everyone is drunk. It is fine to ask someone to dance in a situation like that, often shyer folk like myself need some prodding and encouragement to participate. However, if a stranger says no once, for the sake of everyone’s night, please leave it there. She is trying to contribute to the party in her own way, and to include people who might feel left out. Great. But you said no.
She approaches thrice more during the night, each time a little less friendly and a lot more demanding.
“Please. Come on. Do you not like the music?”
After the second attempt, you are no longer smiling, but rather avoiding eye contact in fear that meeting her gaze would encourage her in thinking that we actually really wanted to dance but just needed someone to throw us out there. At one point the woman goes so far as to grab your friend’s arms, and in a hushed voice urges her to dance “because it is her people’s music.” Oh yeah — plot twist — you’re a minority and the music being played has roots in your background.
The performance, poetry, and music were still great. However, you leave on a sour note. The lesson here is, of all things, “no means no” and don’t harass strangers.
