Sabrina Carpenter’s new album may be Short n’ Sweet but if you play it on an infinite loop it’s surprisingly long. A seasoned lover-girl, Carpenter gives scorned poet, sorta country, very pop star, and I’m here for it. My fall workout routine is scream-singing these power ballads to expand my lung capacity (this helps with cardio, no?). I’m currently obsessed with how relatable some of these lyrics are. If you’re lucky and can’t relate, take note to avoid dudes that do the following:
He guilt trips you to open up to him; jacks off to lyrics by Leonard Cohen; thinks that mushrooms are changing his life; fucks with your head like it’s some kind of fetish; and the biggest red flag: his car drives itself to another woman’s thighs. Remember folks, just ‘cause he acts like one, doesn’t make him a man.
Bless you Sabrina, for recording the collective experience of dating men in the 21st century. God knows, it’s slim pickins.
Darien Johnsen is a UFV alumni who obtained her Bachelor of Arts degree with double extended minors in Global Development Studies and Sociology in 2020. She started writing for The Cascade in 2018, taking on the role of features editor shortly after. She’s passionate about justice, sustainable development, and education.
