In December, I wrote a snapshot complaining about the hypersensitivity of UFV’s automatic toilet flushers. I talked about how one visit to a bathroom stall could lead to three or four flushes, and how it was a waste of water that made stall-neighbours think my diet must consist of handfuls of beans and Shreddies with prune juice instead of milk. This past weekend, however, I encountered the even more guilt-inducing alternative: the under-sensitive flusher. It was on my way down to Tacoma for a quick weekend visit with my girlfriend who lives there. I stopped in at the McDonald’s in Lynden for a milkshake, and popped into the bathroom to prepare myself for the long road ahead.
After attending to my business, I stood up, but the auto-flusher didn’t trigger. I sighed, reached out to push the manual flush, and froze. There wasn’t one. There was no way to set it off other than the sensor, and I think it could sense my lack of American patriotism and chose to ignore me. I searched all over it for a button, tried sitting down and standing back up multiple times, waved my hand frantically in front of it, but nothing worked. What do I do now? There was only one stall and I didn’t want to be in it too long, especially if someone else came in and was waiting for me. So for the first time in my life, I left a toilet unflushed. I ran. I fled the city before anyone knew.
So while UFV’s toilets may be a bit wasteful, I have to rescind some of my previous criticisms. I’d much prefer their over-enthusiasm to the kind of shame that will keep me out of that McDonald’s forever.
Jeff was The Cascade's Editor in Chief for the latter half of 2022, having previously served as Digital Media Manager, Culture & Events Editor, and Opinion Editor. One time he held all three of those positions for a month, and he's not sure how he survived that. He started at The Cascade in 2016.