Date Posted: April 14, 2011
Print Edition: April 8, 2011
By Alex Watkins (News Editor) – Email
Immature (and virginal) axe-slinging tweens have been comparing guitar playing to the act of sex with a nudge and a grin since the instrument was invented, so it seemed only a matter of time before air guitar was taken to the next level as well. And suddenly, lo and behold, along came the sport that answered everyone’s prayers: air sex.
The sport is said to have been conceived in 2006 in Tokyo, Japan by a bunch of bored men without girlfriends. And while all of the honor and distinction that comes with being the inventors of air sex is unlikely to have alleviated the men’s plight, they can at least sleep a little easier in knowing it has grown into a worldwide phenomena – the sport has since been featured in part of the BBC Three documentary Japanorama, and took the US by storm in 2007 when the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in Austin began staging bimonthly air sex competitions, luring competitors from far and wide with promises of glory and prestige.
In 2009, the Alamo Drafthouse took the competition on the road, visiting 14 cities around the world in search of the biggest, baddest air sex competitor who ever lived. Los Angeles’ “Shanghai Slammer” was crowned the first-ever world champion after thoroughly licking the competition. The Air Sex World Championships’ third season is now officially underway, beginning with a series of preliminary rounds that will decide who makes it to the finals in Los Angeles this fall.
There are few rules to the competition; participants may use any number of props, costumes, and techniques to add interest to their performance and impress both audience and judges, and teams are allowed – though, because this is air sex, their partners must all still be imaginary. All competitors have two precious minutes to show off their technique, which can include the preparatory seduction and foreplay or simply get straight to the point.
As the competition’s official Facebook page explains, “You choose a clip of music, you show up in whatever sort of wardrobe you like, and you come up on stage and show everyone how you do it. Or how you wish you could do it. Or how you once had it done to you, and oh my god was that a bad idea and while it’s embarrassing to show that act to a room of strangers, you know that you need to do it now in order to make sure that no one else falls down the same rabbit hole you got stuck inside.”
Perhaps the most entertaining aspect of the sport is that the sexual partner in question does not actually need to be human. Point in case: competitor Milo Harkness-Smith, who performed in the 2010 championship under the alias Simon the Duck… um… Copulater. As a part of his routine, Simon used chunks of bread in order to lure the imaginary ducks that he then made sweet, feathery love to.
Due to the nature of the venues that air sex events are held at, there are a few strict limitations. American laws require that participants must remain at least partially clothed (ie: junk covered) in establishments that serve alcohol, and that all orgasms must be strictly feigned in places that serve food.
Air Sex host Chris Trew told the Sun that, regardless of costume or imagined sexual partner, the most important aspect of the competition is that athletes demonstrate total commitment to their performance, noting “If you’re having sex with a goat, then I wanna see you stroking its horns. I want that goat to be turned on.”
