Getting older comes with more and more important life decisions, like deciding to pay your taxes (cough Trump cough), buying a home, or even having children. However, the thought of having children was never a topic of discussion for me until my mother decided to give me the talk about grandchildren — while on the Abby-Mission Highway. At night. In the rain. Thanks, mom.
She said to me that she will always love my children, but one of them has to biologically be mine; that was her only request. Despite me trying to explain to her why it can be difficult to achieve that while trying not to hydroplane my vehicle, she insisted that my future husband would have to allow it. Once I was able to get into the comfort of my own home, I sat down with her and decided to start this life conversation with her.
You see, it’s not so straightforward for same-sex couples when it comes to children. While there are plenty of options out there, it is often difficult to pin down one that works for both people. It takes many difficult conversations before the right choice is made. I know that for myself, I would prefer adoption, as that is a choice I had made long ago. While my mother meant well when she insisted that I have a child with my own genes, I am just not sure if that’s something I would be willing to say yes to immediately. The way I see it, it would be difficult deciding whose genes would be passed on to the surrogate first, if my future partner wanted to do the same, and I really don’t want to think about that conversation now. It’s one that I would like to reserve for if that day comes. While my mother continued with all the new advancements in biology and how I can do this and that, I just had to tell her that no, at least, not for now.
She has a point that the world of science has made childbearing easier for same-sex couples and couples that have difficulty conceiving a child, but at the end of the day, it’s still my choice. To be completely honest, babies scare me. I’d prefer raising a young child that’s toilet-trained so I can skip out on that “fun” infant stage of life.
While my mother initially seemed upset with my answer, she came to terms with it quite quickly. As I said to her during this conversation, this isn’t the Middle Ages. I don’t have to carry on our family name for the sake of our country, or something like that. I also made mention that the benefit of adopting a child is the fact that I get the opportunity to give a child a second chance at life, and to live in a home with two loving parents and their families. So when the day comes that I am ready to adopt a child and love them unconditionally, I’ll be off to Europe to adopt a beautiful little Romani girl, and then I can cross off that milestone in the book of life.
