By Georgia Gay (Sexpert) – Email
Print Edition: September 3, 2014
Whether you’re a vanilla couple looking to kink things up or a singleton hoping to knock that fantasy of fucking Swedish twins off your bucket list, pretty much everyone’s thought about having a threesome at some point. According to a 2010 Cosmopolitan survey, 33 per cent of men reported that it was their number one fantasy, and 14 per cent of respondents claimed to have actually been in one (there weren’t any statistics on women’s interest, but we’re used to that. Sigh).
But how do you invite a third person into your relationship without hurting anyone’s feelings? And how do you navigate the tricky, sticky process of actually doing two people at once? Read on and find out.
Finding a willing third (or fourth, or fifth)
The hardest part about a threesome isn’t figuring out who’s going to be on top — it’s finding the right people, and then finding the courage to ask them.
The usual rules apply: don’t fuck your circle of friends. Don’t fuck your friends’ exes. Don’t fuck people who make you feel ashamed or uncomfortable.
Do fuck nice people who share your sexy, adventurous spirit. If you know a person or couple who fits that description, try casually bringing up the topic of threesomes and see if their eyes light up.
If you don’t want to risk the extreme awkwardness of being turned down for sex by your friends, dating sites like OKCupid, PlentyOfFish, and even Craigslist can hook you up with people who clearly want the same thing you do. But if you decide to go with a stranger (or two), make sure you get to know them first to make sure they’re reasonably sane, clean, and nice. A pre-coital coffee date can do wonders for weeding out creeps.
Setting ground rules
Rule number one of a threesome: discuss your boundaries before jumping into bed. In other words, make sure you know who’s allowed to fuck whom.
Maybe it’s not that sexy to plan out every single thrust, but a five-minute conversation about your comfort zones might save you years of regret. Are you comfortable with your boyfriend putting his cock in someone other than you, or are you happier if penetration stays out of the picture? Will it offend your partners if you ask them to kiss each other? A good threesome leaves everyone satisfied, not mortified.
If you’re worried about jealousy issues arising, try drawing the line at penetration-free sex — only tongues, fingers, and toys need apply.
The logistics
So you’ve set your ground rules, you’re in bed, the lights are low, there are four hands feeling you up … and you have no idea what to do next.
Usually your three-way action will follow one of three main formulas: one person sits back and watches; two of you team up to lavish attention on one person at a time; or all three of you go to town on each other (slightly harder to pull off, since it requires some hardcore multi-tasking skills).
There are three of you, which means there are three sets of hands, three mouths, and plenty of orifices waiting to be filled. Get creative.
Your third is not a warm dildo
Sitting on a stranger’s bed with a wilting hard-on while your partners make out is awkward. Very, very awkward. PIV (penis in vagina) sex is, by nature, a two-person show — but that doesn’t mean that one person needs to sit on the sidelines and wank wistfully while the other two have all the fun. Take turns being the centre of attention, and make sure everyone gets to feel good.
Safe and sound
Condoms, dental dams, and latex gloves might not be your biggest turn-ons, but you know what else isn’t sexy? Gonorrhea.
Follow up
Chat afterwards about how much fun you had, what you didn’t like, and what you’d like to try next time.
That’s right — next time. If you’ve found a perfect third or a couple who you really click with sexually and emotionally — a.k.a. a unicorn, so called because they’re rare as hell — you’re damn right you’d better ask them if they’re free next weekend. And like all sex, your threesomes will only get better as you get to know each other.
