No two people experience life the same way — each person is unique and unrepeatable. Still, amidst a sea of diversity, there are islands of connection; spaces where I feel like people can identify and relate with the perceptions of others. These connections have the potential to change how a person experiences their life — I know this because it happened to me. For the majority of my life, I felt like there was something odd about the way I experienced love, until one day, I discovered why. I found the connection, and it changed everything.
There are several types of love, which I have experienced throughout my life. My love for my family feels different than the one I hold for my closest friends, and that too feels different to the self-love I feel. I consider myself someone who loves profoundly, yet, to this day I don’t think I have experienced romantic love. I still struggle to comprehend that idea personally — I’ve dedicated time to figuring it out, but the concept still only makes sense to me as something external and methodic. Kisses in movies come out of the blue for me. If someone is flirting, I almost always mistake it for friendliness. Acts of romance are alien to me, I’ve never had a crush, I’ve never desired a romantic partner. All signs point me to one conclusion: I am aromantic — a term used to describe people who experience little to no romantic attraction.
For what felt like the longest time, I was at a loss when trying to place what this feeling was. I never felt uncomfortable with it, and explaining the way I express love and how I share it always felt right. However, I got lots of “you just haven’t found the right one yet” or “it’s just a phase” or even “you’re just afraid to love.” I insist that when a person earns a spot in the most special place in my heart, it doesn’t need to be romantic for me to give all of myself to them. Once you make it to that exclusive circle in my life, you have all of me. For some, that’s complicated to accept, or they don’t fully believe it. I tried not to let it bother me, but one night I decided to look online to see if there was an explanation for this, and there was. Finding a label to describe the way I experience romance was extremely helpful, and not only that, but I found out there were more people out there who shared similar experiences. Knowing I was not alone made a world of difference.
At first, it felt odd to realize I was part of the LGBTQ+ community. Even though I have always considered myself an ally, it feels different to classify as a part of the spectrum. I found out about the aromantic flag, discovered lots of content online which I identified with, and heard of events that aromantic people attend — it was a whole new world to discover. Although there is a space for me within the community, my personal experiences have left me feeling like I’m in limbo between being part of the community and feeling left out.
I feel like there has recently been greater acceptance toward queer people and their life experiences both inside and outside the community — which I think is incredibly positive — but at the same time, even within the community, it feels like aromanticism is not nearly as visible or accepted as other identities. To me, it feels like being aromantic is something that is unfamiliar to people outside and within the LGBTQ+ community alike. This is what creates that limbo for me, not feeling like I fully fit within either two places.
Knowing I’m aromantic is a tool to express a part of who I am, and I will gladly keep sharing what it means to whoever wants to know about it. I know I’m not alone, there are people that share similar struggles to mine, so my wish going forward is that eventually more people find out about what it means to be aromantic — more visibility would be of great help. I’m comfortable with the way I am, and if I never hid my unique way of loving before, I definitely won’t hide it now.
