Lately, I’ve been getting most of my exercise from chasing my roommate’s kitten away from all the food in the house. It’s a sport that requires heightened senses, fast reflexes, and careful strategy. If I put a plate of food down I have to keep my ears peeled for her tiny, feather-light paws jumping up on the table to snatch a bite. To feed my own cat I have to quickly set the food down where she eats, and wrangle up the kitten before she digs in faster than a strike of lightning.Â
The other day, I was in the kitchen and heard a rustling from my bedroom — it was my bag of jerky on the desk being assaulted by the sharp fangs of a tiny food gremlin. I sprinted back to my room and rescued my jerky before it was devoured in seconds. With my heart racing I realized, this is truly an Olympic sport that requires elite mental and physical stamina. I think I’ll write to the International Olympic Committee and pose it as a new category — after all, with the amount of work I’ve put into developing my cat-chasing skills, I’m sure to win gold in 2026. Â
Darien Johnsen is a UFV alumni who obtained her Bachelor of Arts degree with double extended minors in Global Development Studies and Sociology in 2020. She started writing for The Cascade in 2018, taking on the role of features editor shortly after. She’s passionate about justice, sustainable development, and education.