Life is a Box of Swiss Chocolates is a weekly column showcasing the life of a UFV student studying abroad. Jennifer is in Lucerne, Switzerland at the Lucerne University of Applied Sciences and Arts this semester, and documenting the process as she goes.
I‘ve been in Switzerland for two months now. I have gotten to know a lot of great people and experience a bit of traditional Swiss culture. I really lucked out and got an amazing Swiss buddy through the university, whom I meet for coffee every Friday morning before class. She helps me read German correspondence I receive in the mail, and gives me suggestions on where to visit and where to buy certain things. She has really been like an instant friend. I can honestly say I have never really taken much interest in the international program at UFV so when I had an exchange student in my class or group I never really went out of my way to get to know them, but now that I am in that situation I will definitely be signing up to be a buddy at UFV.
I have been thinking lately about the relationships and friendships you make, as well as the relationships and friendships you keep back home, while travelling. First of all, I don’t think there is any one right way or single rule to follow when it comes to any sort of friendship or relationship. I can just speak from my experience.
Everyone on my exchange has such different experiences they come from and relationships they left back home. I really think that it is all based on personal preferences and how you are personally able to handle the distance and hardships of a break up. My ex-boyfriend and I decided to break up right before I left, which worked for us because there were no hard feelings, and he was very encouraging of my desire to travel. But I did spend a lot of the first month questioning that decision and feeling very lonely. I made a lot of major changes all at once and was essentially alone for almost two weeks. Because I was so uncomfortable not being able to speak the language, I felt extra awkward going out and trying to talk to people. This left me with a lot of time to myself to reflect… maybe too much time. I’m not the type of person that easily admits my faults and I always saw being sad over another person as a major fault. Once I started meeting more people and my flatmates moved in, I started opening up, building friendships, and I wasn’t as sad about it anymore. I felt comfortable enough to share my feelings and experiences with them and it was a huge relief.
A couple of my friends on the exchange have broken up with their significant others back home since they arrived here. I don’t know if that is better because you are distracted and you already have all your new friends established and around you. I feel like having that conversation long distance could be even more difficult because you can’t properly register the body language and you can easily switch off an electronic device, but sometimes walking away can be harder. Also, I was a bit distracted at the beginning of my exchange before academic stuff really started to matter but I don’t think I would cope well with school if I was constantly thinking about my break up. I really had an opportunity to heal before class got intensive.
Some friends on the exchange have stayed with their significant others, but most of them are from Europe, so it’s not a big deal for them to come over to visit once a month. But I know for the couples who are cross-continental it is especially challenging because of the time difference. Sometimes I even miss activities in the evenings here because I want to Skype or call family members and friends back home. I think that I would find it too hard to disconnect from my phone and computer and be here, present in this incredible experience, especially if I felt like my significant other was feeling rejected or ignored.
Another aspect I’ve been thinking about is doing your exchange with a friend. Typically, I like to travel alone — I enjoy the freedom — but sometimes it’s nice to have a picture that isn’t a selfie and to not have to drag all your luggage or backpack into the bathroom stall with you because your friend can watch it. When I backpacked across Eastern Canada, I really enjoyed being solo because I got to do my own thing and hang out with people I wanted to hang out with in hostels. And then I got to thinking: if I were to go on another exchange would I do it with a close friend? I don’t think I would.
However, I have had friends who choose to do it with someone they already know quite well and they have had a great time! Plus, they can constantly reminisce about the different experiences they had together. And don’t get me wrong, there are some days where I want nothing more than to go out dancing with my best friends or share an art exhibit I’m at with them because I know they would appreciate much more than I ever will. But I also feel that because I’m doing this alone I’m more likely to get out and do things and meet people, not just stick to who and what I know. It can be difficult to tell a friend you want to do something without them. I think that I’d feel too tied down.
I am really grateful for the way my experience here has turned out so far. One of my flatmates is also a student from UFV, so we are able to relate on some things and talk about home, but we don’t do everything together. We look out for each other and check in once in awhile, but nothing overbearing. For me that is perfect.
Maybe it is the only child syndrome starting to set in again. Or maybe I am just becoming more comfortable being alone again. Either way, to each their own. I am really focusing on not judging people as hard as I used to, but really trying to understand why they do what they do — it’s just something you need to consider before you leave on your study abroad semester.
