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No está buena

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I’m no salsa connoisseur, but Guy Fieri’s salsa line tastes like ass.

This is disappointing I had massively high expectations. Who else would you expect to hold in esteem the saucy flavour explosion of American-appropriated cuisine culture?

I don’t even feel bad about being sucked into celebrity branding; I’m ashamed that the 21st century culinary philosopher, Fieri, would place his fat face on such an awful taste.

To review, the salsa’s texture is mushy. Nothing in it is discernible — no vegetable or flavour aside from a metallic taste reminiscent of tailings pond-raised Asian carp. I’m going to guess that the small jar’s costliness is accounted for by trace amounts of precious metals (gold, silver) mixed in with the lead, cadmium, copper, and nickel. That would explain two of the salsa’s issues.

To restate, I’m not mad, I’m disappointed. I am a bit bitter, but I think that’s the aftertaste.

Image: Amara Gelaude/The Cascade

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