This International Women’s Day, I want to strongly encourage women all around the world to lay down, get comfortable, and get your pussy ate. I want to put extra emphasis on this if you are a heterosexual woman in a relationship with a hetero man. Yes, there are very real issues going on in the world that impact women in a very real way, and misogyny is sometimes so rampant and common — especially in my life — it feels absolutely suffocating. Some of the issues affecting women feel overwhelming, I don’t know how to address them in real life. But, I have an idea. What if women took back what has so often been used to silence, objectify, and control them? What if we took back our sexuality? For any woman who dates a man, honey, you’re doing him a favour, eating pussy is just a small way he can give back and help ease the burden of womanhood.
Some context: the orgasm gap is very real, and science can back this up. According to a 2018 study, an average of 62.9 per cent of women reported having an orgasm during their last sexual encounter compared to 89.9 per cent of men. GROSS. There is no reason that women should be orgasming less during sex. This study also found that women who received oral sex were most likely to orgasm. All the more reason, my friends.
As someone who sexually interacts most often with cis/hetero men, I get it when the girlies complain about their man slacking off in bed. I want to encourage the women reading this to speak out against the lazy, half-hearted lovemaking men in their lives! Stop saying that it’s okay, that you enjoy it regardless, or that it’s not that important to you! It is! And it is to other women he’ll interact with in the future! Don’t minimize your needs! In order to come you need to empower yourself and demand that the world give you the pleasure that’s owed to you. So let’s take back the means of orgasms and reclaim them for ourselves!
To help you vagina-owning folk with this, I’ve made a response guide for the poor shmucks like me who still sleep with hetero men that try to shirk their pussy-eating responsibilities. Here are some all-too-common excuses from dudes and some ideas on how to respond:
Excuse one: You’re too hairy.
Response: Oh, I didn’t realize having sex with a clean-shaven, pre-pubescent girl was your thing. You want to go to Epstein Island, bro?
Excuse two: You’re on your period.
Response: Okay, you told me you were iron deficient.
Excuse three: My jaw hurts.
Response: Take an Advil.
Excuse four: That’s just not my thing.
Response: You’re not my thing.
If you’re a hetero man or otherwise a non-vagina-owning person in a relationship (committed or casual) with a woman or vagina-owning person, you need to spend some time with some pussy not just for Women’s Day, but everyday.
Pussy is god.
Darien Johnsen is a UFV alumni who obtained her Bachelor of Arts degree with double extended minors in Global Development Studies and Sociology in 2020. She started writing for The Cascade in 2018, taking on the role of features editor shortly after. She’s passionate about justice, sustainable development, and education.