Negative self-talk is a parasite that feeds off your self esteem and deprives you of it. I know this first hand; I used to struggle with the negative thoughts that ran unchecked in my mind. Those thoughts made any situation twice as difficult, because I always found a way to discourage my intentions and punish my own actions. If you often find that the first person to scold you after you did something — whatever it might have been — is you, then you might be engaging in negative self-talk.
Self-directed negative comments are something a lot of people experience. Generally, it’s normal for people to have an inner voice that narrates one’s thoughts or actions, but it’s when this inner dialogue starts spewing self-sabotaging comments that the trouble begins. The first step to eradicating or diminishing it, is to acknowledge it. If you identify that you are engaging in negative self-talk, that’s one step in the right direction because it enables you to address it. I suggest stopping your train of thought by questioning: who are you benefitting when you down-talk yourself like that? One thing is for sure: you are not benefitting anybody by generating self-sabotaging thoughts, including yourself.
Completely eliminating those thoughts is challenging, so it’s okay if you don’t get it on your first attempt, don’t beat yourself up over it. My advice is to tackle the thoughts that trigger your negative self-talk, and for that to work, you need to identify what thoughts trigger them. For example, when I discovered that I had a tendency of comparing myself to others, I had to improve my thought process about how I perceived others and myself. I felt that what I did was never as good as what others did, and constantly belittled my progress because I was convinced it wasn’t nearly enough to achieve great things like them.
To stop the negative self-talk, I had to learn that comparing myself to others isn’t fair for anybody. Every single person is different, and so are their paths. This meant that comparing myself to others did nothing to celebrate the progress I was showing in my own way. Identifying this helped me see that my progress was good, and it inherently helped me diminish any thoughts telling me I wasn’t doing good enough.
Another big part of dealing with negative self-talk is being compassionate with yourself. Remember that nobody is perfect, and that everybody stumbles and falls at times. I invite you to think about it this way: if someone you cherish made a mistake and then started beating themselves up over it, would you encourage that behaviour? If you’d reassure that person that mistakes happen and that it’ll be okay, then why not do the same thing for yourself?
You are just as worthy of compassion as that cherished person. Cherish yourself. Allow yourself to learn from any past mishaps and exercise patience and empathy. You know the rough circumstances you’re going through better than anyone, so that makes you the most qualified person to recognize them and extend empathy toward yourself. Each time you replace a negative thought with an empathic and compassionate one, reward yourself for it. It’ll help establish positive thought patterns in place of old negative ones.
The world of mental health is vast and complex. There are so many things to keep track of, so many things to learn, so many things to try. I’m a big advocate for mental health, as I’ve been on a mental well-being journey for several years, and embarking on it saved my life. I believe everyone should do their best to practice it within their possibilities, because if we all take care of ourselves, then that’s a world of people better taken care of. Stopping negative self-talk might take several tries, and it may feel extremely challenging to overcome, but there’s no better moment to start than the present. I’m counting on you to take care of your unique and worthy self!
