In recent years, the world has seen a decline in birth rates, and I, personally, hope to contribute to that statistic.
There are a myriad of reasons for people opting to not have children, ranging from cycles of generational trauma to maintaining a certain way of life.
According to BBC, there are several factors limiting people from having children, including the cost of living. Looking at the current economic situation, it’s not a simple “yes” to the question of having children. The common path of decades prior — finding a career, buying a home, and starting a family — isn’t achievable for many anymore.
When I think about my future, I don’t see children in it — not my own, at least. I would love to be the cool aunt, a person children feel safe around; but I simply don’t want to be a mother.
I believe too many people are having children and very few are equipped to. People should have kids because they truly want to and are capable of taking care of them. This isn’t a particular dig at anyone. If you want to have children, I hope your future is bright and fulfilling.
While there are reasons to have children, there are also explanations as to why someone wouldn’t want to have any.
There are many reasons why I don’t want to have children: the economic and political state of the world, my personal values and perceptions on life, and the fact that my own upbringing deters me from bringing anyone else into this world. I refuse to pass down my ancestors’ subpar genetics onto anyone else.
My parents definitely should not have had children. As the youngest, I witnessed my brother and cousins having to grow up too fast to take on the roles that our parents should have. No matter how much some of us may tell ourselves that we’re different from our parents, it’s hard not to fall back on patterns we’ve seen in our lives. It can be difficult to completely remove ourselves from the cycles of generational behaviours and traumas, therefore it’s not uncommon to pass down these patterns unintentionally.
On the other hand, I sometimes look at my parents and feel overwhelmingly sad. I wonder about the things they wanted to do and couldn’t once they became parents. I hear stories about their youths and hone in on how happy they sound while reminiscing. Do they ever feel resentful? Will I, if I ever were to have children? These thoughts are difficult to entertain.
My parents, similar to other couples of their generation, fell into the status quo of getting married fairly young and having children, because that was the thing to do. Now, we have the ability to challenge that path. Each family’s and individual’s dynamics are varied.
I’ve never wanted children. I consider it a jarring reality when people in their early 20s announce that they’re having children. I understand that everyone has their own path and timeline in life, but I can’t subside the strange feeling that overcomes me when I think too hard about it, because I consider myself a child. I’m still learning how to take care of myself, I’m dependent on my parents, and I don’t have any desire to procreate, ever.
My personal choice to not have children stems from my own childhood. Adulthood has been far kinder to me; childhood isn’t a time I yearn to return to, but I’m glad for the lessons it taught me. The lack of communication and harmful familial patterns that I was exposed to have allowed me to recognize that bringing children into the world isn’t something I want.
It’s possible to not want children and still want to make a difference in young people’s lives. I think James Baldwin had it right:
“The children are always ours, every single one of them, all over the globe; and I am beginning to suspect that whoever is incapable of recognizing this may be incapable of morality.”
It never sits right with me when people claim, “It’ll be different when you have your own kids!” Care toward children shouldn’t be limited to biological affinity.
We shouldn’t be having children because it’s “the thing to do.” For some, there are options such as adoption and foster care; for others, there aren’t any children in their lives at all. There is no one picture for what a family looks like. Just because someone’s dream is to have children, it doesn’t mean that others share that desire, and both are okay.
