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UFV cuts waitlists, waits for praise

In lieu of a recent survey conducted by the Department for University Happiness (DUH), UFV has done away with its waitlists.

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By Repp Lacemont (The Cascade) – Email

waitlist

In lieu of a recent survey conducted by the Department for University Happiness (DUH), UFV has done away with its waitlists.

“The survey revealed that a shocking 80 per cent of students don’t actually like to be on waitlists,” said DUH representative Evelyn Knowles. “So we recommended that UFV consider restructuring their registration system.”

When asked about the other 20 per cent who actually do like waiting on waitlists, Knowles replied that “those students are a bit fucked up.”

Besides the removal of waitlists, UFV’s plans for restructuring include a social app where students can review class / teacher combinations and keep tabs on what others are signing up for, as well as a “Random Class Selector” for students who like surprises. These new features are intended to “increase student engagement with the registration process,” according to UFV janitor Frank.

“We hope students will have lots of good things to say about these changes,” added Frank.

Though some critics have argued that removing the waitlists means denying students certain opportunities, like not getting into the classes they wanted, Knowles asserted that the new system has worked at other universities “without a hitch,” and UFV should be no exception.

“As at other universities that have done away with waitlists, such as UBC, SFU, and Kwantlen,” Knowles assured a busy Frank last Friday, “if students do not make the initial registration for a class they’d like to take, they just have to show up on the first day and hope the professor takes pity on them. Most professors still have hearts, y’know.”

Frank grunted in agreement as he replaced a garbage bag in the cafeteria, adding that “while there are rumours that waitlists will be replaced with an ‘Academic Waiting Centre,’ I can provide no information at this time.”

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Lucas A

    September 12, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    Umm. What did I just read?

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