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Health centre to open shortly

Following multiple attempts to reach out for medical care, students confirmed that the health centre has yet to be established by the Student Union.



Following multiple attempts to reach out for medical care, students confirmed that the health centre has yet to be established by the Student Union.

The health centre was announced over a year ago and was purported to be an on-campus health and medical centre for students. The centre would operate as a general practice (GP) clinic for students who don’t have their own doctor.

Although no official opening date was established, many students assumed that because previous SUS president Thomas Davies said it would open in Fall, it would open in Fall.  

One of the biggest concerns circulating is about the lack of treatment for unique-to-student ailments such as adrenal fatigue due to balancing classes, work, and social lives — activities that require more hours than are in a week, and “Tinder thumb,” a form of early onset arthritis from constantly swiping right.

With students’ issues being as unique and culturally defined as they are, many hope that having a GP clinic will provide them with a means to get the assistance they need.

“I’m not sure where I’ll go to see a doctor, my family doctor won’t increase my Adderall dose and I don’t know of any doctors taking patients right now,” said student Chelsea Lampiron.

Other diseases that the centre will address are chronic Netflix over-absorption (CNOA), acute IBS from exorbitant coffee intake during the first 20 hours of the day, and chlamydia.

It was also expected that the health centre would hand out Narsistone kits to counter the potentially life-threatening effects from binging selfie posts on Instagram.  

Without the on-campus service, students have been forced to take matters into their own hands and seek out medical attention on their own.

“I actually just don’t know how you get a doctor,” said Randy Lee. “Do I swipe a Poké Ball towards one when I find him?”

As the Student Union approaches election phase, a push to get the health centre open was launched because it would look bad if health centre planning reached across three presidents’ terms.

Ignoring recommendations from medical professionals about what to include in the centre due to it being both time consuming and expensive, the Student Union decided to host the centre entirely online. New plans will see the health centre as an online interface where patients can anonymously request medical advice from student employees. Health centre student employees will be able to Google medical information or refer patients to a walk-in clinic nearby.

The streamlining of the centre means that advice will be given anonymously, and within 48 days of receiving the inquiry — much faster than any of SUS’s current services.

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