Print Edition: March 25, 2015
Forgive me, I’m a facial hair farce
It’s that time of semester where I neglect the fact that my face is a living thing that disposes of dead cells in the form of facial hair, and while some people can grow that weird mass into a stylish hair-cloud of beard or mustache, I am unfortunate to have only half of that ability down pat. If you want facial hair, too bad — here’s an inexplicable bald patch that refuses to have its sovereign boundaries trespassed; if you want no facial hair, too bad, too.
This is an unfortunate thing, and everyone loses because of it. I realize that the current state of my face is quite unsightly, but when it’s the last few weeks of semester, I have no wits or fucks to give about the way I look, and for those of you given the momentous task of looking at me, I sincerely apologize.
Just keep scrolling
When scrolling through pictures of food, kittens, and selfies on Instagram, I seldom see a sponsored post. Yet each time one appears, countless comments are posted on it complaining about having to see the advertisement. More and more, complaints are about the fact that they are not targeted posts — why should they have to see them if they do not want them? If you like the application but do not like the ads, why take the time to complain? It is your content and eyes being sold to the advertiser that allow the application to continue being free. Just scroll down the screen to start liking and commenting on posts that you actually care more about — even if it is someone’s lunch. Yes, it really is that easy to ignore sponsored posts.
Coffee, I have forsaken you. Our once-blissful romance is now just an afterthought. It wasn’t all that long ago that we would spend every morning together, and I would drink your sweet, sugary, nectar. I looked forward to waking up every morning just to be with you. I would have you multiple times a day. But those days are gone. I may occasionally return on the rare occasion that you’re prepared and ready to go, but mostly you are now just too painful to revisit. Coffee, you just make me feel bad. I have a new love and the name is tea. Tea is so much better in every conceivable way. I’m going to go so far as to say everybody should take his or her turn with tea. Where coffee can only give you so much, tea is adventurous and just waiting to be explored. Tea is a drinker’s drink.
So what happened to AfterMath? Well, apparently those guys just decided to close up shop and disappear without so much as a goodbye. It was around the time of the Big Bang event that patrons of the favourite campus lounge found locked doors and dark windows. Now, at the end of semester, when an establishment with decent seating, food, and a comfortable atmosphere is needed most!
This is the end of semester, SUS boys! Why did you choose now to turn tail and flee? Without warning, no less.
I find it unnerving that SUS has left the student body to fend for itself on campus in mid March. Our only options now are the cafeteria, Tim Hortons, or the Press Café. Finnegan’s is always an option; however, they generally take a lot longer to prepare food, which doesn’t work well with a student schedule.
I understand that AfterMath had to move into the new SUB, but why not wait until the end of semester? It’s not as if they are going to open in the summer. They could have waited the three weeks until finals.