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Snapshots: #hashtags, drivers, salad, and municipal signs

Curtailed commentary on municipal signs, salad, #hashtags, and parking.



Print Edition: October 22, 2014

Illustrations: Anthony Biondi

Illustrations: Anthony Biondi

Hashtag takeover

What’s so great about the number symbol and difficult-to-read, spaceless strings of words? Someone, please fill me in on this extremely annoying trend. I thought I was lucky enough to be spared by not having Twitter or Instagram accounts, but unfortunately I was mistaken.

Although it’s not as bad as it used to be, hashtags still dominate my Facebook newsfeed. One or two is somewhat understandable, but when you have three lines full of hashtags, it’s overkill.

I’m not telling you to stop using them, but maybe limit the usage to just two or three if necessary. Be courteous of your followers, and try not to kill their eyes with what looks like gibberish.

Call me a hater, but I like trying to read words that make some sense.

#Silentrage  #hashtagoverload #ugh



Pedestrian’s plea

What do you get when you cross too many speeding drivers with no empty parking spots? The UFV parking lot.

It’s no secret that finding a parking spot close to any building is nearly impossible unless you’re on campus at least 20 minutes early. But let’s be serious, none of us have time for that.

I understand your class may start in less than five minutes and you’re still searching for a spot that won’t force you to walk almost a kilometre in the pouring rain, but please don’t nearly run me over in the process. Yes, I know you’re keeping your eyes peeled for an empty stall, but don’t forget to look for pedestrians too.

We’ve all been there. Eventually you’re just going to have to accept it and leave five minutes earlier with an emergency umbrella in your car.



Say no to salad

“I’ll have a salad.”

What? A salad? I’m sorry, sir, but if you are taking a woman out on a date you cannot order a salad!

You see, unfortunately, women are susceptible to wanting to embrace their manly appetite; ordering carrot sticks and celery is merely a woman’s tactic to silence her inner fat person who screams for poutine and a milkshake. Yet when that woman goes on a date, she may on this special occasion give in to that voice.

But if you, sir, order a salad, it puts her inner fat woman in a big predicament. She will feel obliged to order something light as well.

Not to mention that if you get that salad, she may speculate this is your second date of the day, and on your prior date you already indulged in a mammoth burger without her.



Stop blocking my view!

Municipal election time is coming, and everyone’s gearing up for the big day when they can vote to decide who will run this little hamlet. It’s hard not to take notice of the scattered signs along the roadway: “Vote for me!” “Honesty!” “Integrity!” And all that jazz.

The issue is not what’s on the signs. It’s that they block visibility for traffic. I was trying to turn right onto a busy road and I had to stick my front end into the closest lane just to see around the large propaganda sign some guy was putting up. How can you have a maximum voter turnout when your voters are in the hospital because they didn’t see oncoming traffic behind your big-ass sign?

Go ahead and be aggressive in your advertising that shows spirit. But be courteous to drivers and don’t place them so close to the road.


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